Drunk Ex-pastors

This episode of DXP begins with some heartfelt encouragement from one of our favorite callers and then moves on to a voicemail from a listener who agrees with our call for massive voter suppression in this country. We receive a promise of patronage with some strings attached and mercifully (for your sakes) we turn it down. Another caller asks us about how we’d deal with having trans kids (we’d probably still love them), and then we address some pushback we got from our last episode’s remarks about Harvey Weinstein, dealing with questions like whether it is sexual objectification to like seeing boobies. Our “True Bromance” segment shifts gears this week, with Jason allowing Christian to read portions of his journal aloud while mocking him, which segues into a lengthy discussion about relationships and loneliness. Christian is biebered by the discomfort he feels while eating tacos (!), while Jason’s bieber has to do with dogs and the people who own them. Also, did we mention the tuh-tays?

Episode #171 of DXP is a bit of a disaster. Well, maybe it’s not too bad, but it was recorded a day late, way too early in the day, with minimal liquor, and with one of us feeling like he’d recently had open-heart surgery or something. Anyway, we begin the episode by lamenting how damn cold it was down in that subterranean bunker we call a basement, after which we turn our attention to Hollywood’s very own sexual predator, Harvey Weinstein. After listening to a recording of him attempting to coax a young woman into his hotel room, and after making it clear that we think he is a total pig, we discuss the complexities of power in cases like this: If it is consensual is it still wrong? What role does “innocent until proven guilty” play? After our break we discuss Trump’s recent insistence that the outright persecution of those holding Judeo-Christian values in this country has to stop (insert eyeroll here), and then we take a couple voicemails about such topics as family/social-media dynamics and Slim Jims. Jaso

Episode #170 of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a heartfelt plea to change a minor detail about our show, which only confirms for us the need to keep things exactly as they are. We then seek to clarify, again, our use of the phrase “easier said than done,” which is easier said than done. We turn our attention to the “price of freedom,” otherwise known as the largest mass shooting in modern American history, discussing such topics as “Why doesn’t freedom cost this much in any other free country?”, and “Is it disingenuous for gun-rights advocates to ask for suggestions to heal this epidemic?” After our break we go into our “True Bromance” segment in which Christian reveals how he really feels (or used to feel) about Jason’s religion. Christian is biebered by desperately needing an item which could make Jason rich if he weren’t so lazy, while Jason’s bieber betrays just how metro he really is. Also, One of us apologizes in advance for how mad he is about this whole gun thing. Seriously.

Episode #169 of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with our usual banter and shot (singular this time because, apparently, liquor and Oxycodone don’t mix that well [who knew?]), after which Jason is challenged about his insistence that “Easier said than done” actually applies to literally everything. We take a call from a listener making the absurd suggestion that trucks should not be passed on the right, after which a voicemail from one of our favorite fans gives Christian the chance to give us a debrief on his recent heart surgery. After our break we discuss the life and death of Hugh Hefner, wondering aloud whether he and the industry he helped create is exploitative of women, or just awesome. Our True Bromance segment displays Christian’s former zeal for holiness and gives rise to a discussion about whether people who are still that zealous after all these years are just faking it. Christian is biebered by old people’s listening skills, while Jason is biebered by the implicit message behind being given a Kleenex. Al

Episode #168 of DXP was recorded a couple nights before Christian went under the knife, but will be released just after his heart surgery (meaning these may be the last words from him you’ll ever hear if God decides to ignore your prayers and kill him for no reason). We explore the topic of what we are to think about white teenage girls singing along with hip hop music (does it mitigate their feminism?); we discuss Colin Kaepernick’s protest against racism and brutality and whether a boycott of the NFL is in order (as if anyone would actually do it). Our “True Bromance” segment returns in the form of a letter from Christian to Jason from 1993 in which we learn, among other things, why French Toast tastes so good, and our “Feeding Friendsy” segment touches upon the nature of coincidences. Jason is biebered by being conned by con movies, while Christian’s bieber is about little things that annoy him greatly. Also, seriously: Don’t take away Christian’s heroin.

Episode #167 of Drunk Ex-Pastors finds us both home from vacation (Christian from Mexico and Jason from Europe). After catching up a bit with one another about our time apart (who, us with mutual attachment disorders?), we talk about the recent hurricane in Texas, the victims of which evangelist Joel Osteen decided not to help (our take on this may surprise you). We then begin to experience numerous technical difficulties including batteries dying, damsels calling in distress, a power outage, and a poorly timed rock show. Our “Mansplaining Match” segment focuses on overly narcissistic selfies, “True Bromance” features Christian straight-up preaching at Jason about female beauty, and “Feeding Friendsy” involves missing the forest for the cheerleaders. Jason is biebered by airline protocol, while Christian’s bieber has to do with coppertops. Also, pig valves. That’s still a thing, right?

This is the description you get when Jason is in Europe and Christian has to write the description and has better things to do with his short life.

This episode of DXP was recorded just as the Mayweather/McGregor fight was getting underway, so we begin the show mocking the sport of boxing, crapping all over the hype leading up to the fight, and otherwise insulting millions of boxing fans. Then on a serious note, Christian shares a bit about his upcoming open-heart surgery while Jason begins to seriously reconsider the whole death-pact thing (according to which if either dies the other must immediately kill himself). We then discuss the recent comments by director James Cameron about the Wonder Woman movie and whether it was the “setback” for feminists that he claimed it to be. We learn in our “Mansplaining Match” segment that there are certain things that can’t be unseen. Christian reads some old emails from Jason for our “True Bromance” portion of the show, and finally, Christian is biebered by hoity-toity movie food, while Jason’s bieber has to do with noise pollution. Also, boxing? Not that hard.

Our latest episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a caller pleading with us for more decorum, as though “pissing everyone off” were a new thing for us. We take a couple calls about alt-right (read, “neo-Nazi”) protesters and the Antifa movement, after which we hear an interesting and pretty compelling case for NOT removing Civil War monuments from southern parks. Our “Mansplaining Match” segment devolves into the photography habits of Mexicans, and we delve a bit into the topic of reincarnation because why not? Our “True Bromance” segment features a letter written by Christian to Jason that was never sent, meaning that Jason got to read it for the first time 20+ years after it was written. Jason is biebered by his autonomy being commandeered, while Christian’s bieber is so first-world it’s not even funny. It is pretty funny though. Also, “you got a spider on your tip.”

We begin this episode of DXP in a severe state of melancholy, bitching and moaning for about 15 minutes over how crap our days were and how life sucks in general. Christian then recounts his recent run-ins with two different salesmen (one tried to sell him a garage door, the other a trunk-full of meat. We’ll let you guess which one was successful). We revisit the trans people in sports issue, after which we discuss the recent events in Berlin in 1934 (oh wait, it was in Virginia a couple weeks ago. Sorry about that, I keep getting those two eras confused). After delving into the psyches of these alt-right Nazi protesters we move into our True Bromance segment in which Jason receives quite the dressing-down from Christian via a letter from 1993. Both our biebers have to do with cars: one involving where they park and the other where they drive. Also, Serge’s espresso with a lemon twist is good, you should try it.

Episode #162 begins with a voicemail from a caller who is embarrassed at having left us a voicemail, after which we explain that there’s a space-time continuum (which is why we blasted John McCain BEFORE he shot down the GOP’s healthcare bill, but that episode was released AFTERWARDS). We hear from another caller who can’t believe the kinds of things Christian used to do with his wife, as well as from someone weighing in on that awesome ‘90s movie starring Sinbad where he played a genie (you remember that one, right? Of course you do). We are challenged on our recent statements about trans people in sports, after which our “Mansplaining Match” segment seeks to save women a ton of money (you’re welcome). “True Bromance” features a letter Jason wrote to Christian in 1994 which proves that the former ended up with the latter’s true calling. We discuss the difference between Trump and Jesus in our “Feeding Friendsy,” after which we move on to biebers: Christian’s has to do with buffets and Jason’s with visiting t

We begin this episode with Christian relaying his experience with Virtual Reality goggles, which quickly turns into a plan to build a VR sex dungeon in his basement (pics to follow, stay tuned). Our "Mansplaining Match" segment tries to help women realize that ducks don't necessarily have the hottest faces, but that human ones are just fine. We take a call about whether trans people ought to be treated according to their preferred gender always or just sometimes, and we weigh in on our Clown-in-Chief's tweets regarding transgender people serving in the military. "True Bromance" continues, this time with Jason reading a 24 year-old letter from his cohost in which the latter displays his Jedi mind trick skills with the ladies. Christian is biebered by just about everything that takes place while he's behind the wheel, while Jason's bieber has to do with size mattering. Also, the women's tennis tour is about to get much more challenging....

Episode #160 of DXP begins with what by all accounts is a pretty sweet celebrity voice impression. We then take a call from a listener who shares his personal experience with No One (he’s an atheist now), which leads to a lengthy discussion of the relationship between divine omnipotence and human responsibility (hey, we were drunk). We take three voicemails (three!) which, we think, have something to do with community or something. After mulling over the idea of actually starting a church, we launch into “Mansplaining Match” and “Messed-Up Math” (the former has to do with parents and the latter with threesomes). Jason takes a call about why he bothers being Catholic, after which our “True Bromance” segment features Christian reading a 1994 letter from Jason. Christian’s bieber has to do with bottoms, while Jason is biebered by an improper balance of quotation marks. Also, we should TOTALLY start a church.

Episode #159 of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a caller questioning Jason’s fashion sense and continues with a discussion about how many demons you get from doing yoga. We respond to some more pushback over our insistence that the Right is more overtly violent than the Left is, after which another listener expresses shock over Jason’s work ethic. Once we are sufficiently well-lubricated we weigh in on North Korea (you’re welcome), and Christian’s “Mansplaining Match” segment makes it clear that dating sites are not intended to help ladies find new dads for their children. WE take a call about facing adversity, and then get into our latest segment, “True Bromance,” during which Jason reads a letter Christian sent him 24 years ago (hilarity ensues). Christian is biebered by a certain lamely-spelled app, while Jason’s bieber questions what gluten ever did to anyone to deserve to be shunned the way it is lately. Also, Manpris or Capros? You decide….

Episode #158 of DXP is a bit of a clusterf*ck: Not only was it delayed 24 hours due to both of us moving, but the tech issues when setting up to record were such that, well, it just doesn’t sound quite as good as it should. But as our delay demonstrated, you’re all addicted enough to this crackpipe of a show that you’ll give a bit of grace to get your fix. We begin with a voicemail from Omaha of all places, and then discuss our douchebag president’s douche son. Jason is challenged by a caller over whether the Right is more violent than the Left, and then we are both accused of alcoholism by another listener citing the CDC (but in our defense, we are apparently guilty of plenty of other “-isms” as well). Our “Mansplaining Match” segment helps women understand that their love of nature’s beauty plays no role in whether we find them so, and “Messed Up Math” explains to male 40-somethings that they’re basically pathetic and the last ones to get the joke. Finally, our “True Bromance” segment shows just how little

We begin this episode by (re)visiting the bathroom, and specifically the issues of Euro-boobs and prickly women, after which one of us insists, without having been asked, that he is not an alcoholic. Christian’s “Mansplaining Match” segment cautions women about whom they include in their online dating profile pics, which springboards into one of Jason’s theories about female friendships in general (hint for the ladies: Don’t let your weight fluctuate too much or you’ll need to find a new group of friends). This week’s “True Bromance” portion of the show features Jason reading a letter sent to him by Christian in 1993, complete with Bible verses and everything. We discuss MMA and violence in general, and receive some pushback from the folks at the 30-Rockers podcast about our recent criticisms of the program. We briefly discuss whether one of us is more boastful about where he’s from than the other and whether it’s warranted (which it totally is), and lastly we consider John McEnroe’s recent controversial clai

Episode #156 of DXP was REALLY fun to record, although chances are that neither of us remembers much of what was said (so to any nationalities, genders, races, or political persuasions we insulted, we apologize). After some initial discussion involving facial hair and bottle rockets we move into some touching territory wherein Christian reads aloud a letter (yes, letter) that Jason sent to him in 1994. We are pretty sure this will end up being a new segment since, after recording, Jason dug up around 20 old letters from Christian. So be prepared to see how frickin adorable our bromance is. Our “Mansplaining Match” segment helps women understand how not to make us exhausted before we’ve even met, and our “Messed Up Math” portion of the show relays the advantages of weight gain after falling in love rather than before. We read some of Trump’s tweets just for fun, after which Christian relays how biebering click-bait is, while Jason’s bieber has to do with the illusion of actually having a choice when we doesn’t

DXP #155 begins with a call from a southern listener who simultaneously bemoans and reinforces all the reasons we mock the South, after which we discuss just how black you have to be to be licensed to use the N-word (All? Half? 25%?). In our “Mansplaining Match” segment, Christian helps hapless women navigate the issue of dating profile pics, after which things take a somewhat depressing and morbid turn as we discuss heartbreak, capital punishment for sociopaths, suicide, and whether video games make kids violent. Jason is biebered by his state’s traffic laws, while Christian’s bieber has to do with something he has done, on average, like twice a year for his entire sad life. Also, our sense is that “mulattoes” is no longer a thing, but we can’t pinpoint how we know that.

DXP #154 begins with some clarification over ‘90s bands and vocab, after which we take a call that demonstrates just how entitled and technologically inept we really are. We then are asked about the censorship of transgender boobs, which leads us into all manner of personal divulgences from nipple tweaking to masturbating on buses. Once again, Christian mansplains Match.com, focusing on profile pics and what they should include and exclude. In our “Messed-Up Math” segment, Jason outlines the unfortunate formula according to which a man’s cautionary tale becomes his goal. We get an interesting question (even though it’s from the 909) about whether being predisposed to seeing miracles helps people see them and vice versa, as well as voicemails about the treatment public figures receive in response to controversial behavior, why people think the English language is in danger, and whether it’s fair to say that conservatives are more violent than liberals (given recent events). Jason’s bieber is leading him to smo

We begin DXP #153 with some pushback against how we do cultural appropriation, after which we hear thoughts from the former Mexican president about our current one. A caller urges us to start our own church, which we seriously consider for three seconds, after which another listener seeks to put a new song in Christian’s heart. We begin a new segment titled “Mansplaining Match,” during which Christian seeks to help women with their online dating profiles. Another new segment is debuted called “Messed Up Math,” which highlights just how unfair this world is for women. We briefly discuss the phenomenon that is Wonder Woman, which Jason has no patience for, after which we listen in as two famous black guys interview the inventor of the alt-right (plenty of awkward silences ensue). Speaking of awkward racial stuff, we discuss Bill Maher’s apology for dropping the N-bomb, after which the C-word is used toward one of us by an irate caller. Jason is biebered by people who can’t just get over the whole incest thing,