Drunk Ex-pastors

This episode begins with a quick debrief of our “Catholic Lesbian” interview and then segues into a discussion of the Netflix documentary Minimalism, which left Christian wondering whether it was naïve and Jason wondering why more followers of that homeless Jewish carpenter aren’t on board with the idea. We discuss the Golden Globes and La La Land in particular, debating just how depressed the film was intended to make us. We then spend some time breaking down Meryl Streep’s acceptance speech, considering what the next four years will look like with a childish bully in the White House. We then spend some time sifting through the latest reports concerning whether Trump is being blackmailed by Russia and what, if anything, this has to do with prostitutes and urine (turns out, very little). But nothing would surprise us at this point! Also, relevant celevbrity opinions: an oxymoron?

We begin our New Year’s episode of DXP with a look back at 2016 in all its glory and shame, with Christian taking the blame for how bad this last year treated so many people. We then reflect a bit on the death of Carrie Fisher, springboarding to the issue of celebrity deaths in general and whether mourning the passing of people we don’t really know is pathetic or legit. We take a call about whether difficulty and trial produce better quality satire and music, and if so, whether this may be silver lining around the dark cloud of a future Trump presidency. Another caller schools Jason on the topic of evolution (how hard can it be? Fish  Monkey  Man, right?). We then squeeze in one final caller whose question focuses on the simple matter of the meaning of life. Christian is biebered by people’s self-obliviousness on TV, while Jason’s bieber focuses on people looking better than they should. Also, suck it, 2016. Your time is over.

Our Christmas episode begins, appropriately enough, with an uplifting breakdown of the story of Rudolph, a tale about a bunch of proto-Nazis whose demand for hegemony is outweighed only by their cold heartless pragmatism (who knew?). We then reminisce about how rad the ‘80s were, what with the whole Cold War and whatnot. We then take a few calls about religion: Do our bad deeds really make us hell-worthy? Do you have to confess every last sin we commit? And would we prefer God *not* to exist, and if he didn’t, what would we do? Our “Feeding Friendsy” highlights the irony of feminists for Trump, while our “Dick Move, God” segment introduces us to a man who’s both “after God’s own heart” as well as after the king’s hot daughter, and he’s got a sack of wiener-bits to prove it. Christian is biebered by unwanted residue clouding his eyesight, while Jason’s bieber reveals how envious he is of celebrities. Also, the Island of Misfit Toys is a metaphor for Auschwitz. Seriously.

Episode #128 of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a criticism of our duet of “Baby It’s Cold Outside” that is not homophobic at all. We then share our opinions about HBO’s series Westworld, which recently wrapped up its first season (Jason had some issues with it, but we agreed that it ended with probably the coolest song ever), and Christian changes his tune on Love (the TV show, not the actual thing itself). We take a call on the topic of sleep paralysis and relate it to the biblical phenomenon of demon possession, and then revisit the topic of ranked voting and whether it could have spared us a Trump presidency. We spend a good portion of time pulling our hair out, metaphorically, while listening to a certain infamous televangelist explain how Donald Trump, far from being the antichrist, may in fact be the real Christ instead. Which is weird. Christian’s bieber has to do with people emerging from forests to kill you, while Jason is biebered by constantly being marketed to when he’s not expecting it. Also, last

Episode #127 of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a description of perhaps the most harrowing dream ever, after which we consider a conservative prophet’s doomsday deadline for Obama to finally accomplish the insidious plans he’s been hatching for the last eight years. We discuss whether David Blaine is a master illusionist, fraud, or minion of the underworld. We take voicemails from a Millennial listener about the financial challenges her generation faces, another about whether heaven will suck because there’ll be no Netflix or weed, and still another about whether marriage just gets in the way of true love. Christian’s “Feeding Friendsy” asks whether God needs to be dictated to, prayer-wise, and Jason’s “Dick Move, God” segment demonstrates just how far the Lord will go to pull off an object lesson. Christian is biebered by dubious clickbait math, while Jason’s bieber has to do with (you guessed it) fixing what ain’t broke. Also, Slenderman meets the Ring girl who crawled out of that well? Just peed myself….

This episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with voicemails from a drunk biologist and a whiskey enthusiast and continues with a caller’s challenge to Christian about whether he is raising fratboy Trump enthusiasts. We take more calls about the propriety of third-party voting and what it’s like to be a politically conservative DXP fan, after which we discuss our president-elect’s opinion on the punishment for flag-burning (hint: it’s completely ignorant and unconstitutional). We follow up a up bit on our discussion about divorce from out last episode, after which we turn our attention to Dennis Prager’s whining about losing the culture war by not hearing enough about Jesus at Xmas time, even though the people who really love Jesus have traditionally hated Prager’s people for being Christ-killers. Christian is biebered by Hollywood’s failure at escape techniques, while Jason is biebered by how his body defies all the rules of science, and not in a good way. Also, Merry Kwanzaa everyone!

This is the episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors that probably shouldn’t have been made—It was recorded on our second Thanksgiving (celebrated on Friday), we had both been drinking for like ten hours, and it was unclear whether we were even recording that day at all. But as the saying goes, the show must go on. So we threw caution to the wind and, without an outline, our usual segments, or any pre-selected voicemails, we sat down and produced 90+ minutes of material of questionable quality (Hey, it’s two friends drinking and talking, remember?). We began by subcontracting out the intro-banter duties, and then discussed our favorite reality show, which segued into whether the differences between the various “generations” are real or made up. We then talk about Trump for a little bit (because it’s way too hard not to), but spent the bulk of our time discussing a voicemail from a listener who is recently divorced. We springboarded into issues such as why humans marry in the first place, whether we are hardwired for monog

This episode of DXP focuses pretty much exclusively on politics (which, we realize, isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. But look at the bright side: When civilization as we know it ends in a year or two, none of you will have to worry about podcasts anymore. Or tea. Or cups. Or anything.). We take a voicemail about third party voting and another about the electoral college (about which we have modified our stance somewhat, because math). We then tackle the seeming false equivalency regarding left- and right-wing fearmongering. Our attention then turns to whether Trump is truly “draining the swamp” as he claimed to do, after which we take a chilling stroll through our president-elect’s possible cabinet appointments. We then ponder why evangelical Christians basically put Trump in office despite his being almost as unlike Christ as Satan. Christian is Feeding Friendsied by ignorance concerning what constitutes a scientific theory, while Jason is biebered by having to touch everyone’s food with his filthy hands. Also

This episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a voicemail from a listener who realizes he probably singlehandedly got Trump elected and then segues into a clarification from one of our Asian listeners about how guys can be bald but still super hot. We take a voicemail from perhaps the gayest dude EVER, and then revisit how deal-breakingly off-the-table male birth control should be since it potentially affects our mood and may cause acne and slight discomfort. Before our break we take an uncharacteristic position on the Electoral College issue. We then hear from Dick Bush, who causes us to address the issue of president Trump and what the next four years could potentially bring. Christian’s Feeding Friendsy brings up how violent and intolerant the Left supposedly is, and Jason is biebered by the water-habits of people on the small and silver screens. Also, just breathe. It’s gonna be OK. Probably....

This episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a couple aborted attempts by a listener at leaving us a voicemail, after which we do a shot of something so vile that one of the DXPs almost defiles a wastebasket. We take another call that confirms the fears of virtually all anti-pot people (the dude was “on a mountain” in more ways than one). Jason is challenged on his cavalier attitude toward a possible Trump presidency, and the subject of male birth control is debated: Is the resistance to it among men due to their simply being weaker than women? The conversation takes many turns, any of which will possibly piss off hundreds of people. We take another call about whether the practice of rating women on a scale from 1 – 10 contributes to rape culture, but the call wasn’t even from a hot chick so we pay it as little attention as possible. Our “Dick Move, God” segment makes its triumphant return, focusing on sliced up wieners and the price a man pays for rape (50 shekels, which is pretty darn steep is you ask us).

This episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a voicemail from an Asian that isn’t even that boring. Jason then complains (again) about being a casino valet, while Christian displays a measure of actual happiness. Christian laments the new direction his Xfinity internet provider is taking, and then we take a call from a southern listener about what it’s like to find one’s self in the “in-between” stage between one set of beliefs and another. Our “Feeding Friendsy” segment tackles the thorny issue of whether rappers need to rise to the chivalric level of  presidential candidates, and we give like ten seconds’ worth of our attention to Pat Robertson before immediately regretting it. Christian is biebered by the best laid plans of screenwriters and men, while Jason’s bieber has to do with the false effects of daydreaming. Also, do blonde conservative news anchors get less hot the more they talk?

This episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a delightful ditty performed by one of our female listeners, and continues with a discussion of why we ever gave those females a voice in the first place. We then introduce a new and surely ill-conceived segment titled “Zat Racist?” in which we seek to convince ourselves that we’re not horrible bigots (and are remarkably successful in the attempt). Jason shares another one of his oversimplifications about how two seemingly unrelated things are in fact pretty much the same, all based on the slimmest amount of actual evidence. We delve a bit into the whole “email controversy” and whether Hillary’s scandals compare to her husband’s. After our break we discuss abortion, and specifically whether the rhetoric on both sides is fair or intentionally misleading (as in, is the issue really about “choice”? And does Hillary really advocate stabbing a baby with a fork as it slides out the vag?) Christian breaks down the Right’s contrast of Obama and Putin (the latter of whom,

This episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a caller’s accusation that one of us has become too big for his literary britches. We then hear from one of our favorite fans who shares a bit about his family’s struggle and that, somehow or another, our podcast actually helps him cope. We revisit the issue of overprotective fathers, after which we are forced to reckon with the notion that one of us may be smarter than the other (but now that we’ve had some time to consider it, we agree that we are completely equal in every way (wink)). Jason is unwillingly coerced into defending his religion a little bit, and Christian weighs in on a question about whether people should be proud of stuff they didn’t actually work to accomplish (like being American. Or gay). Things turn a little political after the break and we discuss how to be classy and presidential while just grabbing people’s pussies. Christian’s bieber is about everything getting worse, while Jason’s focuses on pizza and ice cream. Also, has Jason mentioned

Episode #118 of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a voicemail about a bodily function that one of us may or may not have exhibited and then continues with a caller’s request for an explanation of why there are so many Christian denominations. Jason then shares some stories about the various hijinks and tomfoolery that valets engage in when they think no one is watching (but when there are 700 cameras being used, someone always is). We discuss the connection between Pentecostalism and the prosperity gospel and then tackle the issue of whether God can be judged by what assholes his followers can be. We take voicemails about protesting injustice and the recent comments by Rudy Giuliani, and then conclude with our biebers. Christian’s has to do with his apparently not caring how many babydaddies his daughter ends up having, while Jason’s results from having so much ADD that he can’t even pay attention during a two-minute movie trailer. Also, those Buddhist monks protesting the Vietnam War were really onto something.

This episode of DXP begins with a caller’s example of situational irony which may or may not make one of us feel like the butt of some cruel cosmic joke. We delve into the issue of whether fictional universes overlap (as in, did Jack Ryan ever watch Star Wars?), and then hear once again from our Tinder-using listener, gaining more insight into the world of online dating. We take another voicemail which springboards us into our main topic, which turns out to be whether the whole theism/atheism issue is all just a big overblown misunderstanding. Like, does dogma trump devotion and does law supersede love? We briefly discuss our former church, Calvary Chapel, and whether the alleged affair of its founding pastor was a scandalous deal-breaker or an opportunity for humanity and grace. Christian’s “Feeding Friendsy” centers on the Christian Right’s support of Donald Trump, and Jason shares some stories about how valets might potentially retaliate against non-tipping patrons. One of our biebers has to do with the l

This episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with yet another caller berating us about our ignorance about science, only this one comes from the most famous cosmologist alive. Christian then provides us with a well-studied and non-ironic lesson about irony, after which Jason gets some well-deserved props for his mockery of the South. We take several more calls leading us into such topics as whether mass stabbings are music to the NRA’s ears, whether doubt on the part of an evangelical leader will get him fired, and whether trusting in god is really any different from betting your bottom dollar that the sun’ll come out tomorrow. Christian’s “Feeding Friendsy” tackles the utterly disastrous effects of the Obama presidency. Jason is biebered by unnecessary improvements to things, while Christian’s bieber involves feigned outrage over perfectly reasonable insults of certain kinds of people. Also, if you’d like to leave a voicemail, give us a call at 21-397D-RUN-K.

Episode #115 of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a voice mail involving a Tinder date and a potentially profitable bowel movement, after which Jason is given the chance to clarify whether he hates rich people because they’re horrible, or simply because they’re rich. We again are forced to reiterate our complete mistrust of “science,” and then receive some encouragement about our continual use of movie quotes as well as being scolded for missing an obvious one. A listener challenges Jason’s assertion that his generation invented irony, and another caller causes Christian to explain the Fermi Paradox (we think it’s about those stuffed owl-hamster things from the Nineties). We are then asked by another listener (a guy, or a girl, we don’t remember) about whether we ever bother thinking about who our audience is (we do, as we explained to whoever it was who asked). Lastly, Jason relays what it is like to peer into a person’s soul by means of parking their automobile. Christian is biebered by Facebook trends, while J

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we revisit the issue of whether we ought to be as skeptical about scientific claims as we are, after which we finally put the “better to have loved and lost” issue to bed. Jason shares some thoughts on the issue of irony and how it didn’t exist until his own generation got all cynical and jaded. We then take a call about depression and how ineffective slogans are to help with it (plus, slogans are a dime a dozen anyway). After our break, we discuss the issue of what continually discovering new music has to say about the state of a person’s soul (as in, is one’s media consumption a microcosm that reveals how open- or closed-minded he is?). Christian is biebered by everyday pleasantries, while Jason’s bieber has to do with not caring how disappointed people are with things. Also, a T-shirt that says “G’Day, Mate”? Seriously?

This episode of DXP is light on serious content but heavy on verse, so if you’re uncomfortable with two grown men taking turns citing poetry back and forth, best to move along. Before we get to that, however, we reminisce about the hard-hitting episodes of our favorite ‘80s TV shows and take a voice mail about Alfred Lloyd Tennyson. We then commiserate with another caller about the worst (or most awesome) excuse to cut a date short. We take some time to discuss the controversial actions of Colin Kaepernick, a man so unpatriotic he has the audacity to protest authority and the abuse of power (the founding fathers would be so ashamed). Our “Dick Move, God” segment explores the plight of a woman pimped out then cast aside (by another woman, no less), and Christian’s bieber involves a lot of math, while Jason’s demonstrates that he watches too many movies. Also, only Hank Moody can reference fingerbanging a cat and it be funny.

This episode of DXP begins with a caller’s suggestion about Jason’s comic book alter ego, after which we address the emotional rollercoaster ride that is our Patreon pledges. We answer some listeners’ questions about Seattle and Satanism, and then segue into the danger of listening to the devil’s music. We then turn to our main topic of love, dating, and heartbreak, addressing such issues as “Is the dating scene really that depressing?”; “Is love worth the oft-ensuing pain it causes?”; and “Does fighting for a relationship equal weakness, and does that matter?” Speaking of love, Christian is biebered by trite platitudes concerning it, while Jason’s bieber is about people getting wet. Also, if you think this show is scandalous and irreligious, you should listen to it backwards.