Pero Let Me Tell You

Start as a country song & you’ll be ok…ugh, stupid Whitman’s Sampler…if you can do a tour of donuts, go for it…yo quiero Taco Bell, pero not in Spanish…Acthung, McDs…Salt Bae leaving a bad taste in Hispanic mouths…what cut of meat would Pia Zadora reserve…never forget the plight of Venezuela…Betty White is a national treasure…awards shows are the ultimate guilty pleasure…#likeitornotRitashappening…apparently we’re now watching Big Brother…again, not above asking for help getting Juan Pablo diPace on our show…be a proud fattie…Santa could be part of Game of Thrones, just no sex scenes…End Song: Hot Right Now by DJ Fresh ft Rita Ora Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hip hop has fans of many walks of life…gondolas aren’t optimal for losing ones virginity…Colin Kaepernick could have been part of NSync…dismissive motions could be fun…kneel, stand, sit, estamos pero que una misa Catolica…ugly is ugly, period…if you’re in South Florida, you need to visit El Dorado furniture…shout out to Cubalseros…feel yourself and feel good, even if you are tacky…novela or telenovela…quicksand and piranhas, the biggest fears of the 80s…Angelina Jolie totally ripped off Brenda from MariMar…long live Soraya…End Song: La Vie Boheme fr RENT Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sitcoms and their abandoned stories…you never forget your first, even if it’s less than great…tell us what you’re doing while you listen to us…hey there AmsterDAMN…are there levels of apology…blaming the dead doesn’t really help your case…don’t Sharknado shame…we may not even subscribe to beliefs…tongue twister fatigue…”I tell it like it is” really is just code for obnoxious…pick battles, not scars…always bring you’re a game, kids…gangarias are a way of life…End Song: I Knew You Were Waiting by Aretha Franklin & George Michael Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Everybody be fluidly fluid…we’ve still got a croquet hangover…RIP Senator McCain…anyone who’s read comics knows heroes sometimes do get caught, but they always win the day…not to sound trite, but thank you to all our service men and women…making abuelas happy, one Spanish lesson at a time…nobody should aspire to be mono anything…there’s always a first time to talk about ourselves…Miami, de todo un poco…esta bien Miramar, we’ll let you in…who doesn’t like Happy Meals…never forget Trina…shout out to Churchill’s Pub…freestyle forever…never let your job drain your life force…damn inflated FED…mas tarde o mas temprano, it’s all about Kim K’s sex tape…enough with the sombrillas in the Gables…the water at the beach should stop at the shore…End Song: Asere Q Bola by Jacob Forever Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Toto, who knew…say hi at Croquetapalooza…who says what is good or bad on social media…maybe the Westboro Baptist Church just needs a hug…no shade, but you know if you need two seats…guilty pleaures are the best kind…don’t even get us started on marimbas and multi-colored nipples…Ish is really bad with dates…seriously, she could not have been dressed any cuter if she’s tried…if in Miami get thee to Islas Canarias for the BEST croquetas…we’d all like to live 4 blocks from work…Martha of Miami knows everybody, doesn’t she…music sets the mood everywhere…croqueta tongue twister…branded epi-pens would be a great thing…que rico, un mango smoothie…it’s a subtle accent to us, but we ain’t deaf…hi Chef Adrienne and Chef Michelle Bernstein…never fails, DJ likes a dish, bid it farewell…End Song: Symmertry of Two Hearts by Bright Light Bright Light Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Tapestry probably IS still on the Billboard charts…cuddle up with us, after dark…seriously it was like monsoon season…who else remembers Gap 90s fragrances…ay, Omarosa…it takes a special type of person to be mean to Savannah Guthrie…I’ve been in escape rooms that were more secure than the Situation Room, apparently…we’re basically just an Abbott & Costello routine…yep, the blueberry cake donut incident…certain things were ok in 1983… sometimes limits are inspiring…who’s your Macario…guy in the alley, agent or mugger…if it doesn’t exist, make it…embrace without forgetting…terror a lo Cubano, totally trademarking it…genre films shouldn’t know geographic boundaries…side note, guys Havana Nights was LOTS of fun…bilingual productions are already here… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Yeah, it’s actually episode 27…Golden Girls + Cher = perfection…try the Air Mail, it’s sooo good…total HGTV backyard in the middle of South Miami…watch or listen, podcasts are diverse that way…we love ya NY, but you ain’t Miami…eating is about the experience, food’s just part…Latinos, always late to the party…sometimes fusion works, just look at us…do yourself a favor, try a frita…all hail Guillermina…we mention mofongo WAY too much...to be clear, EVERYBODY loves Burger Beast (and if you don’t, you can’t sit with us)…pink flamingos, Miami & John Waters…again, only REAL Havana Club on this podcast…time to learn something, kids…we need more ladies named Amparo…his name is actually Raul Esparza…so many drink recipes in this episode… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Butterflies are the epitome of fleeting beauty…tasteless jokes shouldn’t always be cause for a firing…if only pizza-gate was more fun…music does make the people come together…who hasn’t experienced a Fucatazo…it really does always come down to food & café…Nuyorican y Puerto Rican, close but very different…let us know if you know what a hammer fist is…latinos unite…actor clearly equals whoring for drugs…to clarify, Cuba is not part of Mexico…improv in español doesn’t work…totally craving picky chicky…us Caribbeans are funny folk, must be the warm water…always support the mom and pop shops Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Does Forbes actually know what self-made means…racist pizza could be yummy…Martha of Los Angeles…a Cuban is never skinny or fat…Miami, home of el exilio…Los Angeles B.G. (Before Gloria)…Hunger Games, now with picadillo…what better to be put on the map for than a pastelito de guayaba…pockets of Cubanity…Culver City, Cuban Community, we do love alliterations…if in LA, get thee to Porto’s…cocinando with shortcuts is still cooking…ladies and gentlemen, the only time you’ll hear of a Cuban party running out of food…dinner at 4 is just lunch…ay, us Cubans are really having a hard time adjusting to #metoo sometimes…what do you sandpaper yourself with…bombshells can have explosive intelligence…can’t claim bullying if you’re a bully… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Phil Jimenez is easily the nicest guy in comics…being a hand double seems like the safest job on a movie set…man, there’s a constant stream of cops in NYC…everyone’s got an opinion about Wonder Woman’s costume…except the scuba suit, eso esta super cute…zeitgeist or cultural shift…Wakanda, Wakanda…multicultural representation sometimes has unexpected angles….creator owned may not be all it’s cracked up to be…millennials do pay attention…sometimes…no lie mi gente, Ish is properly geeking out during this interview… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

All abuelas should have hip hop spirit animals…World Cup winners should only be chosen based on baked goods…futbol vs Eurovision…I can think of several other rights of passages that don’t involve underwater caves…ScarJo and the case of the trans role…Ethel in accounting never knows anything…we’re not too old for Double Dare, right…Ellis Island needs to be cherished…funny we don’t have more millionaires migrating…we all have roots from beyond these shores…despite hardships, no other country offers more promise of achievement…more of us should learn to dance in the moonlight… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

1/5 of the Colada Boyz team…Cuban coffee is essentially Latin Red Bull…la colada is as Cuban as the Cuban sandwich…our goal is the podcast equivalent of 5 tasas…are you aware of ventanita culture…the nuances of cortadio, café con leche and colada…I wouldn’t drink café made by a melty old cast member of Miami housewives…Walter Mercado definitely drinks café Cubano…anonymity is key for the Colada Boyz…again we reference Alvares Guedes…los cake de los gay necesitan mucho merengue….mmmm, el Publix….sometimes cum on a cake is ok…DJ tastes café for the first time…can you tell the difference between coffee brands…it’s all about the espumita!And don’t forget to visit ColadaBoyz.com and use promo code PLMTY10 for 10% off your order of awesome colada branded merch! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

As promised, here’s our conversation composed entirely of Britney lyrics….with a few other comemierderias tossed in for good measure….you can only imagine what other treasures exist in our “lost tapes” recordings… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Gracias to everyone on the show and our listeners…every drinking game needs ground rules…we can’t recommend Brightline enough…#PTD, catch it…Ricky Martin & tank top encounters…talkin’ World Cup…the European version of our podcast would totally have accents …Caribbeans aren’t good footballers…US wants no part of soccer or Robbie Williams…rugby v football…one word makes all the legal difference…most border crossers aren’t Mexicans…we’re so against Neo-nazis we don’t even use white crayons…get out and vote, mi gente…memes aren’t educational…Miss Vanjie…maybe JLo’s “Feeling So Good” is about masturbation…is talking about Demi’s relapse while doing shots inappropriate…apparently we sing Britney when buzzed….finally we duet with Bea Arthur… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Croquetas are French…DJ’s parents are from a no-horse town…possibly our most Miami episode ever…Valsan, los que vienen no se van…businesses can start from a total accident…we’re all just kids of immigrants looking to make our parents proud…build on the shoulders but stand on your own…don’t all 4 year olds watch Caso Cerrado…fufu vs mofongo…fruit can be weaponized in a pinch…the great canker outbreak of the early 2000s…during avocado & mango seasons, your co-workers turn into Oprah, “YOU GET A MANGO! YOU GET A MANGO!”…we all hate when the girl at the front is comiendo mierda…Xqume Miami…Spanglish really is sort of like breathing…that damn chusma rearing its head…Alvarez Guedes, gone but not forgotten…the parting of the viejo’s balls…croqueta cake is proof of heaven... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

sometimes it's ok to grab your friends junk...mira que North Korea has pretty bad haircuts...Rocket Man lands in Singapore...fool your parents into thinking you're a gymnast...hellish lesbians have the best cure for muscle pain...second hand couture can sometimes lead to a drag career...the brighter the wig, the better the lip synch...reboots are great so long as they're camptacular...models are people too, carajo Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Supreme Court meets Cake Wars...it's Pride month y'all...mira, at the end of the day just get a Publix cake...Amigos for Kids...There's NO excuse for Child Abuse...just because it's cultural doesn't make it right...Broken Crayons...educate yourself on the signs...phew, we don't actually have to play dominoes...some people need their last soda spiked with rum...will DJ laugh at ALL Ish's last sodas...For more information about Amigos For Kids and spotting the signs of child abuse, please visit: www.amigosforkids.org or http://brokencrayons.usAnd if you'd like to attend the Miami Celebrity Domino Night fundraiser, please visit: https://tickets.completeticketsolutions.com/AFK/Online/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Cold opens are the best…welcome back Betty la Fea…Roseanne just can’t help herself…nobody cares about 17…the ever dropping Nielsen ratings…Twitter tirades never end well…nobody badmouth Jasmine Guy...Ish enjoys living in the area of delightful inappropriateness…disagreement shouldn’t always equal division…anybody know a Jennifer Aniston leading movie that actually made money…the 14th amendment is crystal clear…the McRib is on the same cycle as Saturn…the eternally happy country of Disney…next season on the NFL everyone just crabwalk …Pia Zadora is totally a Jedi…ticks to the stars always wear shades…sometimes high school feelings are a good thing…get Pete Fernandez books NOW…it’s a good time for cults…when you get Miami right, people notice…know your craft, live your craft… Archie characters really are timeless…take a lesson from Thalia on promoting…Also, don’t forget to visit our sponsor, Oh Chcolat, on Instagram and use promo code PERO for 10% off your order! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more

Viernes Culturales, the last Friday of the month on SW 8th Street…walking tours, educational and cardiovascular…16 at the country club…racist lawyers are like Beetlejuice…Manhattan’s not an island country…only JLo could get a fur with $10…Guatemala is not Mexico…what to get the royal couple from their registry….maybe we ARE related…that one magic hour in London…never drink the Thames water unless you want to be REALLY well rested…what would R Kelly Kidz Bop sound like…you try stealing Madonna’s spotlight, she will cut a bitch…the great Cuban migration to Westchester, no not that one…Miami history popping up soon…dammit we missed Kathie Lee and Hoda…we miss you Coral Gables gallery walk…welcome back Velvet Crème donuts…its important to get teens into art…also, keep those senior citizens mentally active with art…café con arte sounds like a great combo…umbrellas of little Havana…apparently Andy Garcia likes buying expensive coconuts…sweet …audio problems or stroke…llama by drone…Also, don’t forget to visit our s

It’s our 15s, tiaras and tulle for everyone…we gladly welcome abuelitas …as we lose Toys R Us, remember Playworld…retail jobs lead to misery…maybe trucks’ souls can be stolen…frita vs fritanga…tourists know nothing…George Motz’s Hamburger America…one stoplight town = great burger…cue the construction…maybe we’ve all eaten slug burgers…drive-thrus led to frozen patties…the incredible shrinking BK chicken sandwich…let’s all order the unofficial Burger Beast special at McDs…craving some Culvers frozen custard…can you count the times DJ says Burger Beast…orgasming at In/Out, there’s a joke in there somewhere…save Pincho Factory hot dog…stick to ice cream Dairy Queen…Croquetapalooza…Cuba had its Julia Child…check your IG daily, listeners…download the Burger Beast app kids & visit the Burger Museum starting June 1…stop staring at us Mayor McCheese …our first double last soda of the dessert… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.