Black Zen And The Weekly Wellness

There are numerous stories of animals that have been held in captivity for so long, that even when they are moved to larger spaces or freed altogether, they still end up living within a confined area that mirrors the footprint of their previous cage. And before we go thinking this only happens to animals, even the great Oprah Winfrey admits to hiding money under her mattress for the first few years of her success because she was afraid it could all go away at any moment. When we’ve finally reached the next stage of our life or persevered past a bad situation (whether that’s a job we hated, an unhealthy relationship, a dangerous neighborhood, etc), how many times have we instinctively reacted as if we were still bound by those previous limiting circumstances? When our situation finally changes, how do we get our mind to catch up?...

It can be frustrating to put in work, be diligent and consistent about the execution of a plan, and still seem like we're not making progress in life. Or, when we do start to gain momentum, feel like there is a shoe that drops which we never saw coming. In the words of Mike Tyson, "Everybody has a plan, until they get punched in the face." ...So, now what? When life gives us the proverbial punch, do we shake it off and get back up? Do we go to our corner and regroup? Do we just lay there thinking wtf while our eyes begin to water? Yes, yes and yes. Here's the cool thing, acknowledging that the situation sucks and giving ourselves a day to feel however we choose to feel about it can actually make the boulder easier to move....

There are two main ways to think about life. It is either happening to us or the choices we make determine our current circumstances. As children, we experience more of the first. Our parents determine the neighborhood we grow up in, the schools we attend and most of our environment. As adults, we now have the awesome opportunity (and radical responsibility) of shaping our life's trajectory. Radical responsibility means no longer blaming our past or our upbringing for the choices we make. If we're not where we want to be in life, it's saying "I didn't expect enough of myself" rather than "no one ever thought I'd be worth anything and so now that's how I feel." Once we know that we are no longer powerless kids unable to control our environment, we become empowered adults that take charge of our experience...

When we were growing up, we had a healthy fear of our father. He could give one look and we found some "act right" quick, fast and in a hurry. He smiled often and rarely raised his voice, but something about his persona just said "don't try it with this guy." Thinking on it now, we see how much silent authority and power he had as an individual and as a parent. It's a trait that we as meditators have found to be one of the most useful qualities. Silent authority not only demonstrates strength, but also provides calm in emergencies, comfort in distress, and ultimately, a dependable foundation that you and your loved ones can rely on. In this week's wellness, we're focusing on how to cultivate these traits and how to best utilize them in our day-to-day life...

Time is money. Not sure who said it, or when that phrase became popular, but that has been the focus of our week. Why? Because your girls are exhausted! The Black Zen team has spent countless hours ramping up on partnerships, speaking and teaching engagements and secret projects (Yes, you read that right. Get ready for a big launch – can’t tell you what it is or it wouldn’t be a secret!). In as much, it’s become more and more important to manage our time and energy to bring you the goods. So if time equals money, we wanted to make sure we were spending both wisely. And what we found, could help you too...

When was the last time you felt listened to? I mean really listened to. Somebody looked you straight in the eye and took in what you were saying without interjecting, making the conversation about them, or without a cell phone in hand? I don’t know about you, but for me, it’s been a while. In a conversation, we rarely listen as much as we think we do. Our brain is busy receiving information and dissecting it quick enough to process so we can appropriately respond to what another person is saying. What if we took out the part where we are expected to say something? Think about how much more we’d be able to hear. This is the practice of mindful listening…

Ann Landers famously wrote, "At age 20, we worry about what others think of us. At 40, we don't care what they think of us. At 60, we discover they haven't been thinking of us at all." After going through the motions and the hard knocks of youth, age arms us with the experience and the knowledge of lessons learned to live life on our own terms. One of the biggest lessons in every decade is just how important self-awareness is to creating a life that is filled with decisions that accurately reflect who we are. At Black Zen we believe the older we all get, the more fabulous we become. So, this week we decided to celebrate getting older and acknowledge how good it feels to be grown!

We found some new and nerdy info this week that we just had to share. I was reading a book from one of my old meditation classes and came across the word “koan” a few pages into my reading. I didn’t think much of it, but a few pages later it showed up again. Since it hurts my heart to read a word and not know what it means, I decided to look it up. In the definition of koan I found myself very much like Alice from Alice in Wonderland, tumbling down a rabbit hole of the obscure and truly interesting. It turns out that a koan is: a paradoxical anecdote or riddle without a solution, used in Zen Buddhism to demonstrate the inadequacy of logical reasoning and provoke enlightenment. Oh word?! Ultimately, the practice of attempting to answer a koan (much like meditation) has to do with stretching our mind and expanding our way of thinking…

There's a great quote by author Louis L'Amour that says, "Knowledge is like money: to be of value it must circulate, and in circulating it can increase in quantity and, hopefully, in value." If we consider how many unique experiences we've all had, it's easy to see how the knowledge we've gained through each of our life lessons and experiences can become a powerful form of currency in someone else's life. In our own lives, we cash in on the lessons we've learned as soon as we make different or better choices than we did in the past (presumably before we knew better). Rather than letting those lessons end with just our experience, we should pass that wisdom along to the people in our lives and share what we know with our network in an effort to build up our communities and the new generation coming up behind us...

Sometimes all the positive self-talk in the world doesn’t change the fact that some situations leave us stuck. During these times, it may seem that no matter how much we try to have perspective, we just can’t help but feel wedged between a rock and a hard place. If you’ve ever found yourself in this position, and chances are if you’re alive and reading this right now you have, then you’ve experienced that sinking feeling of running out of options. Rather than give you a pie in the sky approach to managing those feelings or improving that situation, we have another alternative – surrender to what is...

There are 1,440 minutes in a day. How are those minutes being spent? This week’s wellness is all about how to make sure we’re incorporating what we value most in life into our busy schedules. For instance, while the majority of us acknowledge that a meditation practice will (or does) have a profound positive effect on our life, we've found the most common reasons for not committing to one is that it often seems like there isn't enough time in the day. Rather than provide a laundry list of the benefits of meditation or talk about how to make it a habit, let's instead debunk the general concept of time and talk about how to finally win at time management in all areas of our life…

When I was a kid, I promised myself that when I became an adult I would have ice cream every day and then I would be completely satisfied. In my teens, I said I’d be satisfied as soon as I had a car of my own. In my twenties, I was going to be satisfied as soon as I got a great job. Time passed. Ice cream was eaten every day in college (my freshman 25), I had my own car (that came with a note, insurance and maintenance costs) and I had a decent job, but satisfied? Not so much. Thinking back on my childhood reminds me of the story, “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie.” Poor mouse. Always getting what he wanted, but always wanting more. It made me think about my own wants and how those desires lead to other wants. This inevitably brings up the question, will I ever be satisfied? I know I'm not the only one in this boat so we've devoted this week to explore, when will enough be enough?...

Fam, we're getting back to basics! With all of the topics we discuss, this week we wanted to re-emphasize and focus on the real root of all lasting change - developing a meditation practice. When we thought back to when we began meditating, and the resources we wish we had available as we stumbled through those first few years, a few things came to mind. So, we’ve provided important tips necessary to grow a personal practice and also answered a few of the questions that were in the back of our minds when we first started. These tools are designed to help you on your journey, wherever you are in the process...

Often, go-getters have two speeds – run and stop. Personally, I am either busting my hump to get things accomplished to the point of burnout, or I'm doing nothing at all and lamenting about life and wondering why things aren't happening the way I want them to. Learn from my mistakes! This week's wellness is all about patience. Hopefully, my week of toil and the lessons I’ve learned from it will save you from exhaustion and disappointment about why [insert incomplete goal here] is not happening fast enough. There is a balanced way to be an ambitious person with goals and a timeline, but perhaps, that's exactly the problem - having a timeline at all...

As ambitious people, sometimes we can be so busy focusing on the big breakthroughs that we forget to give ourselves credit for the bite-sized improvements we've made or the mini milestones that we've racked up along the way. There are plenty of times where we may have stopped ourselves from fully celebrating an accomplishment "until the ink is dry," but by doing this, we're limiting our joy to a few short-lived moments rather than embracing the entire journey (and the mini-wins in between) as worthy of a celebration. The best solution for this – celebrate all the time...

Many of us use spring as a symbol that it's time to go through our closets and take an inventory of what's inside. We allow (and sometimes force) ourselves to get rid of pants that no longer fit, throw away the tattered socks and underwear that frankly should have been tossed last spring and we consciously decide what we will keep and continue to wear for the rest of the year. In applying this idea to life, we find that there are certain labels (i.e. "the party girl", "the bad boy", "the one who's always late", etc.) and personal tendencies (i.e. never letting people in, expecting the worst, not giving our best effort, etc.) that no longer describe us. And if they do, they are traits that we no longer want to be associated with. Ultimately, the point of spring cleaning is to give ourselves a fresh start. Let's take our cue from nature and let this be the time where we take stock of who we are and what we're currently doing to see if that still "fits"...

So many of us are dealing with past hurts and traumas, and many times we hold on to them because we are afraid to fully feel them. I don't know about you, but I held onto my pain for so many years because I kept telling myself I had too much to get done and didn't have the luxury or time to fall apart. What I didn't realize, is that falling apart was not fatal. Masking my pain, minimizing it or avoiding it altogether was what held me back from growing through the lesson. Once I let go, I was able to accept that the situation was what it was, but also, that it no longer needed to define or shape how I showed up every day. I was creating my own misery by staying stuck in my feelings rather than giving myself permission to let it go. The past only lingered because I allowed it to be present...

Every now and again, I write an open letter to myself. This holds me accountable for what I say I want to do and tracks my progress. What follows is an open letter I wrote a few days ago about my life's goals. Your girl is tired of making the same mistakes and wondering what happened and how I got here. I know many out there can relate - to be stuck on a loop and irritated with a lack of growth in an area we're really trying to work on. This pattern must be disrupted! Hopefully, what follows will help you where you are, as I expect it to help me when I read it each month to keep me on track. This is the conversation I had to have with myself...

As March approaches, I expect the magazine stands to be filled with articles around weight loss and getting to work on that Summer body. While we at Black Zen think it's great to be active and intentional about taking care of ourselves physically, we wonder if there's too much emphasis placed on the outside perception of what it means to be healthy over the harder, more nuanced work that it takes to be inwardly in good shape. With all the talk of dieting and getting fit, what would happen if we focused our efforts on the inside rather than the out...

You may have noticed the last few Weekly Wellness' were centered around mindfulness and making moves. What we've recently discovered, while trying to incorporate these strategies in our own life, is that any major shift requires some form of change in our daily habits. We came across a quote from the James Clear blog that completely put this in perspective - "It doesn't matter if it's working out or eating healthy or creating art, you can't expect yourself to magically stick to a new habit without setting up a system that makes it easier to start." So, this week's topic is for you as much as it is for us. What are we habitually doing, or not doing, that is inconsistent with our goals…