He Just Loves The Hallmark Channel

Les, Kurt, and Jason have decided to stop promoting Hallmark and Lifetime movies when there’s a strike, and instead focus on pop culture’s unusual past, and this week it comes in the form of a 1988  pilot starring Morris Day! But first, Jason strongly objects to Les’ “funny idea” that someone be murdered at/near one of his parties. Plus, Kurt’s Blac Chyna news lets us all know that tattoo removal hurts, and we learn the Celebrity net Worth of Robin Givens and Pauly Shore! Then, it’s talk to talk about Heart and Soul starring Morris Day, Tisha Campbell, and James Avery, but NOT Will Smith. But at least there’s Barry Sobel and his very popular act (yet wildly offensive). What COULD have been a great fish out of water story instead turns out to be the leading to a movie about Ted Bundy not starring Redd Foxx.    Facebook : alifetimeofhallmark Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com

Les, Kurt, and Jason have referenced the 1983 NBC sitcom Jennifer Slept Here many times on this podcast, so they’ve decided to finally dissect the pilot episode along with a look into the state of of TV in the early 1980’s. But first, Jason is trying really hard to get Les and Kurt to take the hint that it’s time to move onto the Black Chyna Report! Then, it’s time to start the Ann Jillian deep dive, talking It’s a Living, the SAG-AFTRA strike then and now, and Walt Disney’s input into Ann’s career. Then it’s time for Jennifer Slept Here. Ann Jillian may have top billing on this short-lived series, but the real heavy lifting of the show is done by (*checks notes*) the kid that played Randy Quaid’s son in National Lampoon’s Vacation, John Navin. John may be the person that uttered the very first line of dialogue on Cheers, but here’s he’s doomed from wearing a fedora multiple times. Maybe Jennifer should have slept somewhere else (like with the Family Ties Keaton family, or within Wilfred Scott’s weather repor

Les, Kurt, and Jason will not be deterred by the SAG-AFTRA Strike (and WGA Strike), mostly because this podcast isn’t in violation of union rules. Les has been spotting all kinds of famous faces on the picket lines (including presidential candidate Marianne Williamson), but the most famous face on the picket lines may now be Les Kurkendaal-Barrett himself thanks to a ton of worldwide coverage an image of him has experienced. Khloe Kardashian considers herself a third parent to Blac Chyna’s daughter Dream Kardashian, but it’s all from a place of love… much like Kurt’s love for Vanessa Lengies, the star of this week’s Hallmark Movie Take Me Back for Christmas. This is Hallmark’s version of a multiverse movie, so of course the guys discussed cinnamon poppers.    Facebook : alifetimeofhallmark Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com

Les, Kurt, and Jason are here with the discussion you didn’t know you needed about the Tom Cruise cake and the Olivia Wilde Salad Dressing in a tale so layered, it makes this week’s movie seem quaint in comparison. But first, in Blac Chyna News, Kurt delivers the news that Tokyo Toni is saying some incredibly (hilariously) filthy things involving buckets in front of her granddaughter when she can’t figure out how to get Alexa to stop talking. Then, the guys jump down into the silo known as Lifetime’s movie, My Professor’s Guide to Murder. Stephen Hawking isn’t in this movie, but if he were, he too would need buckets (and a lot of them!). Kurt almost needed a new pair of Converse sneakers, Jason needs a fabulous traveling professor house, and Les needs to find someone else to drag to Musical Mondays.    Facebook : alifetimeofhallmark Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com

Les, Kurt, and Jason return after a very very long break and so so so many Gay Prides! Yes, prides have parades, and Les sat through part of a really long one before being coerced into marching IN one, but Jason will only watch the parades if they’re done at the posted speed limit (flying drag queen wigs be damned)! Then, Kurt has some Blac Chyna news (that may or may not be from before our long break). Then, the guys take a dip in Hallmark’s Big Sky River which is, apparently, a movie they all watched. Despite the over-priced gas in this small town, it still has what it takes to attract residents like (not) Reba McIntyre, and a woman going through an (oft-mentioned) “terrible divorce.” This movie has an extended scene involving grabbing a chicken. It also has a friend hint that one of the characters should have a fling. Get your air horn, cuz this ain’t your mom’s Hallmark.    Facebook : alifetimeofhallmark Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com

Les, Kurt, and Jason are here with a lively discussion about who it is that’s having the affair in a relationship, sparked by Lifetime Movie Network’s “Her Affair to Die For.” But first, the guys discuss, as best they can, some of the things at stake with the current (as of the recording of this podcast) writer’s strike and we find out that Blac Chyna and Tokyo Toni have reunited! Then, it’s HIS affair to die for since the husband is the one that has the affair in this wildly fantastically dumb movie that could have (legitimately) been written by 10-year-olds. But if you can get past the fact that the parents are the same age as their daughter, you’ll be delighted by a villain that’s giving serious Elizabeth Berkley caffeine pill vibes! You’ll be so excited as you see an entire crime plan mapped out in front of a background actor doing some squats because all’s well that ends well!  Facebook : alifetimeofhallmark Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com

Les, Kurt, and Jason recorded the latest episode on Coronation Day, which may have been celebrated by some still drunk on tequila from the previous night’s Cinco de Mayo festivities. Then (after some Blac Chyna news, natch), the guys are ready to shack up with Lifetime Movie Network’s “Rooming with Danger.” Sure this fabulous house may not have any wine at all in its gigantic glass wine closet (nor does it have an Oxford comma), but it does teach one how to throw a brick on a budget and how to play Marco Polo when outside of the water (just do it on the volleyball court!). Watch this movie in HIGH definition to truly appreciate the students of East Coast University: The Park Ranger School of Dramatic Arts!    Facebook : alifetimeofhallmark Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com

Les, Kurt, and Jason are cleansing their palates after last week’s movie, and what better way to do it than with a movie all about flavorful food. But first, Kurt tells the guys about the tickle documentary that mesmerized him (do NOT tickle Jason) and that Les is going to watch now that he’s all caught up on the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel! Then we learn that Blac Chyna and Tokyo Toni are talking again! Is it real, or is it for the cameras? Maybe Jerry Springer / Ricki Lake / Morton Downey Jr. and more are to blame for it (and for the downfall of TV and maybe the MAGA movement…). Then it’s time for Hallmark’s A Pinch of Portugal! The movie has a gorgeous setting and even more gorgeous men so hot that they literally set off Les’ smoke alarm! The movie also features a Silver Fox Fred Flintstone, a Broken Down Tim Burton, and trash can ice cream. The movie is so good, you’ll be tickled!   Facebook : alifetimeofhallmark Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com

Les, Kurt, and Jason may very well have stumbled upon the worst Lifetime movie they’ve ever seen (a bold assessment, but Les takes full responsibility for choosing Drunk, Driving, and 17). But before the guys dissect this after school special geared towards adults, they first need to discuss potential celibacy for Blac Chyna. Then they’re able to attend the State-Funded Park Ranger School of Acting End of Year Showcase. The real crime highlighted here SHOULD be the literal grand theft auto, that is never addressed again once the movie gets going (or, rather, puttering), it’s that the parents can do time for playing favorites by allowing sexism to rule as their male oldest underaged teenager ever gets to have a kegger (which is also kind of a key party, maybe?), while their teenaged daughter is banished off to another house for the night. Put on your white jumpsuit so you’re ready to run away from this movie.    Facebook : alifetimeofhallmark Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast Theme song generously donated

Les, Kurt, and Jason are off to the races immediately when Kurt confuses the theme from Green Acres for a song from The Wiz. Then we find out who called Blac Chyna (aka Angela White aka, possibly, Dr. Angela White) a fake-ass bitch (spoiler: it was her mom Tokyo Toni!). Then, the guys go snorkeling (even though it should have been SCUBA diving) into Hallmark's "Love in the Maldives." Despite it's STUNNING locale and very attractive cast, Kurt found it boring on a level that was... transcendent. But can a movie that may or not feature a gorgeous (potential) cult leader and feature a scene that feels very porn-adjacent really be THAT boring? Maybe! but at least it helped Les find his next favorite pair of yoga pants and helped teach the other Hallmark characters how NOT to c**k block by c**k ENABLING.    Facebook : alifetimeofhallmark Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com

Les, Kurt, and Jason are beyond excited to dissect what may very well be the Lifetimeiest movie that ever Lifetimed, Lifetime’s masterpiece Stalked by My Doctor: Patien’s Revenge. But first Kurt has an Angela White report (aka a Blac Chyna Report) about the continuing coverage of her makeUNDER. Some are calling it the Blac Chynaissance, and for that we are grateful! Then it’s time to grab a tropical cocktail with Jimmy Buffett Eric Roberts, and settle in for a truly insane entry into the Stalked by My Doctor franchise. It’s got wigs! It’s got black hoodies (3 of ‘em)! It’s got chloroform! It’s got a house that may or may not have a dumb waiter and a fireman’s pole! It’s literally got a full La La Land-esque song and dance number. Kurt may not like the sad trombone, but you’re going to like this movie and this episode of the podcast!   Facebook : alifetimeofhallmark Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com

Les, Kurt, and Jason are back after a long break filled with lots of travel! Les went to New Orleans and Fresno! Kurt went to Fresno, too! And Jason went to Sydney, Australia! But now all 3 are back in their respective homes, though Jason and Les are very much over the unbelievable amounts of rain (and snow!) that LA has been getting. Kurt found out that he is apparently someone’s “hall pass” (but who’s the top?) Plus, there’s a ton of Blac Chyna news all centered on her new makeUNDER. Then the guys are finally ready to head to Tuscany, the setting for Hallmark’s 2022 film Unthinkably Good things. The first film under their Mahogany label (with a largely black cast), the movie is gorgeous, features 3 leads that all have genuine chemistry with one another, deals with real problems, and back to back montages (!) the movie seems so stuffed that it could benefit from spending more time in this world. But that doesn’t mean we need to ever know if one of the characters REALLY think his sheep are his girlfriends.   

Les, Kurt, and Jason are on a journey into seemingly ALL of the topics including Jason’s (unsurprisingly) unfiltered thoughts on The Fablemans. Then the guys venture down an Andrea Riseborough rabbit hole where they find that Richard Roeper gives no f**ks. Kurt finally got Covid and gets the utter the words “baby bump” as he delivers the news that Blac Chyna may be pregnant with baby #3 (the guys are gonna send a baby basket). Then the guys finally reach their destination: talking about Hallmark’s Wedding Veil Journey starring Allison Sweeney, Lacey Chabert, and Autumn Reeser, set and filmed in gorgeous Greece. The movie just might be named after the band that does the song “Don’t Stop Believin,” and will soon lead to the latest movies in the series The Wedding Veil Combat, The Wedding Veil Throuple, and The Wedding Veil Anal Beads. But don’t you dare bump shame, (though it is ok to have opinions about your spouse’s cooking! PLUS, there’s even an incredible discovery made during this podcast about just how tr

Les, Kurt, and Jason are walking down the aisle (shotgun wedding style) with Hallmark’s Wedding Veil Inspiration. But first, Les has to model the Hallmark sweatshirt he was gifted, and Kurt has some incredible insight into the dark underbelly of Zoom gaming with Imogene Coca. Then the guys give some quick takes on the Academy Award nominees before stepping into the foot fetish frenzy of some evergreen Blac Chyna news! Then it’s time for this week’s movie which features more eating than you’ll see in The Whale. Even with so much food, there’s plenty of regional food shaming that gets so bad that one featured restaurant is forced to write inside their own packaging that the food is trash. If that’s not enough shaming for you, there’s some legit HR violation-level shade towards Autumn Reeser’s outfits, even from Lacey Chabert and Allison Sweeney’s characters. So get over your veil cooties cuz this saga ain’t done yet!   Facebook : alifetimeofhallmark Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast Theme song generously do

Les, Kurt, and Jason are joined by Jason Dubray from the Shelf Shedding Movie Show Podcast (@ShelfMovie). Jason Dubray thinks the guys are providing a great service by watching Lifetime and Hallmark movies, and they guys thank him for the kind words by forcing him to watch Lifetime’s latest movie to be ripped from the headlines, How to Murder Your Husband: The Nancy Brophy Story starring Cybill Shepherd and Steve Guttenberg. It’s been a minute since we’ve seen Steve, and now he looks… just like the real life murder victim he’s portraying rather than the guy that starred alongside the Village People in “Can’t Stop the Music.” Steve’s bringing the energy to this movie by constantly talking to chickens while Cybill is… just resting her eyes until the two can engage in some proofreading a manuscript as foreplay. Put on your blue (not orange) jumpsuit, cuz we’re about to play a game of pin the slab of meat on Steve Guttenberg!    Facebook : alifetimeofhallmark Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast Theme song gener

Les, Kurt, and Jason are walking (very reluctantly) down the aisle with yet another Wedding Veil movie from Hallmark, Wedding Veil Expectations. Meeting expectations, this episode has Blac Chyna news about another Blac Chyna lawsuit. But the real focus is on Hallmark's latest trilogy that initially had Les excited until he realized that it was more exciting to hike with Markie Post. As you ponder whether Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and Chelsea Clinton listen to A Lifetime of Hallmark Podcast, Les will be over in the corner perfecting how to pretend to be dead while watching this movie. If you can get past Jason's rage over lame jokes about the clapper, at least listen to this episode to hear the (actual) true story of how Kurt was almost cast in the Mekhi Phifer role opposite Eminem in 8 Mile!   Facebook : alifetimeofhallmark Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com

Les, Kurt, and Jason are back for a whole new year! 2023 has already brought Kurt a Tarot Card reading and the promise of getting laid… in June. Jason had a whirlwind New Year’s weekend, and Les got to wear some fabulous fringe! Then, it’s time to get back to business, just like Blac Chyna and another potentially violent (and potentially not true) incident. More critically, Les has a truly urgent June Squibb Report (huzzah!). Then the guys (rather reluctantly) attend the end of year showcase for the Park Ranger School of Acting Class of ’22, aka Lifetime’s movie Are My Friends Killers. Sure the acting (and directing, and editing, and writing) are, arguably, super not good. But does that really matter when the entire premise of the movie makes zero sense and the highlight of the movie are a couple of Eyes Half Shut Bodies Fully Clothed Parties, because nothing will fulfill one’s wildest desires like seeing someone in some well-pressed Dockers. You’ve got two choices: either do some snooping so bad it insults L

Les, Kurt, and Jason are still in holiday movie mode, especially with Les living out his very own Hallmark movie as he travels through Europe to do the podcast from the lobby of a Marriot in Bristol. ’Tis the season to be sexy, if you’re Blac Chyna in a white thong with a giant red bow flanked by two giant nutcrackers and a highly addictive wheel of cheese. Then there no time like the (Christmas) present to get a visit from Hallmark’s The Ghosts of Christmas Present. The movie decidedly does not follow the same story structure of most other Hallmark movies, and it’s for the better since it allows co-stars like Reginald VelJohnson and Lori Tan Chinn a real chance to shine. The movie also shines a spotlight on a 10-year old Hallmark movie that also took great inspiration from Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol, 2012’s It’s Christmas, Carol starring Carrie Fisher and Carson Kressley. And Jason definitely thinks Les should watch that (and countless other things) before watching the Punky Brewster reboot. Perhaps

Les, Kurt, and Jason are just about ready for the holidays! Les is going to Paris and London! Jason just got back from New York where he did not see the many holes Les talks about! Kurt questions a log’s rights! And Les finally saw Home Alone!  Then the guys are ready to examine Hallmark’s first movie featuring a same sex couple as the leads, The Holiday Sitter. It stars Hallmark staple Jonathan Bennett, and it also realistically addresses what getting married means if you grew up gay. It deals less realistically with surrogacy (and the planning surrounding it), features a lasagna for Les, and a side character that may (not) be spent from constant self-pleasuring himself. All that, and we welcome the latest alumni from the Park Ranger School of Acting!   Facebook : lifetimeofhallmark Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com

Les, Kurt, and Jason are bracing for the cold with Kurt’s extensive collection of crazy holiday cat sweaters, and Jason’s gonna need ‘em if he gets Busy in Brooklyn this weekend! Les needs to know who Bruce Campbell is (is he a journeyman actor?). Then after some uneventful Blac Chyna news, a bite of sushi in the bathtub with Zoe Kravitz, and a quick browse of the Skymall catalog, the guys are ready to celebrate My Southern Family Christmas. This Hallmark entry didn’t need its romantic storyline since it’s overflowing with never-fully-explained backstory about Bruce Campbell’s character. Did he have a drug problem? Was he in jail? Why are there seemingly so few black people in this town in Louisiana? If you like meat pies, lame icing fights, and have a Rick Moranis fetish, then this movie is for you!    Facebook : lifetimeofhallmark Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com