#millennial

Pat is back with some big news: His fam won Best Cow at the county fair. #BumpkinLife Shockingly, Pat was uninterested in dating Show Andrew but came around once he met Real Andrew. Important Announcement: Andrew has hSv, not hPv. Why the hell do people not leave when a hurricane is coming their way? Stay safe, East Coast! Facebook Official Patrons ask two questions: Is Trump's position on trade justified? How do we feel about horror video games? Apple is back with new products you don't need but will probably buy anyway. Poor Laura: She has no choice but to get one! "I've fallen and I can't get up!' Apple Watch is the new Life Alert. A new tool from the New York Times reveals how much hotter our hometowns have been getting. Do the results surprise us? At least one of us is genuinely shocked.. in the wrong way. A new report has found that taken selfies negatively affects your self esteem. Wait, what? This week's Surprise, Bitch call brings us to Pat's home state of Wisconsin. Britta

Welcome to the (shit)show, Angel! Do furries dress as red pandas? BREAKING: A senior White House official wrote an anonymous op-ed for the New York Times confirming the Republic’s dumpster fire status. 2018 Gift for $10 Patrons: a #Millennial sticker set! Facebook Official Patrons can expect to receive theirs in a few weeks (Make sure your mailing address is up to date!). Pledge at the Facebook Official Level now to receive your sticker set later this year! We’ve found the one thing millennials aren’t killing: STDs. The CDC has reported record jumps in the spread of gonorrhea, syphilis, and chlamydia. GET TESTED. The one man advocating for student loan borrowers on the federal level has resigned his post in protest. WTF: Proctor & Gamble has come up with a dumb, completely non-innovative marketing strategy. 2 Truths, 1 Lie: Trumpster Fire edition. And in this week's After Dark, available to $2+ Patrons: Laura is allergic to everything - tales of a trip to the allergist.

It’s a full show this week: remembering John McCain, a victory in Georgia, and PSL is comin’ back baby! Actress and creator Mariana Novak joins us to talk acting life, voiceover work, Jason Bateman, and being Russian and American in the current climate. We always knew Paul Manafort would look great in orange… …and that Michael Cohen would flip… …and that the National Enquirer has a safe filled with dirt on Trump?! Looking forward to November 6th, Lyft will be providing free and reduced fare rides to your polling place! These damn teenagers are taking our jobs: the wild, wild west of Instagram influencers. The latest mass shooting in Jacksonville, FL makes us take a look at some numbers by playing The Number. Someone actually answers for Surprise Bitch! on the first call! And in this week’s installment of After Dark: WTF News makes its return, and shockingly, neither of the stories originated in Florida. How does everyday tech use impact our friendships and relationsh

This week, listener Kelsey joins the show to give us public speaking advice (gulp)! Pam is back from Vegas with an explanation of how she met a Backstreet Boy and why she bought $20 avocado toast and thus will be unable to retire. How to embrace the nerves and anxiety surrounding public speaking? Remember that no one wants you to fail (unless your name begins with T and ends with rump). Facebook is looking to solidify its presence as the internet’s cesspit by introducing an anonymous down-voting system. Uncle Eustace can now upvote his favorite bigoted rhetoric and face 0 social accountability for it! Zillow says that millennials can’t afford homes because we’re attending too many destination weddings. Meanwhile, none of their value estimates are remotely accurate. The election board of Randolph county, Georgia is planning to close 7 of its 9 polling places. Take two guesses which group of people this will disenfranchise. The Confessional gets a little bi-curious, and Surprise, Bitch!

One of our hosts spent $20 on avocado toast, so we fired her and warned that she’ll never be able to afford a home. Marc sits in, promoting Andrew to ask a barrage of personal questions as one does. Who’s getting guaranteed salaries, health insurance, bonuses for wins, and subscription payments? Gamers. The panel experiences a sudden desire for a career shift. JFK nOT DeAd CIA tOOK DoWn JFK jr. So hilLarY COulD RuN fOR SEnaTe tOM HAnKS iS A PedoPhiLe tRUMP kNoWs ExaCtlY hOW tO Be prEsiDEnt wE ArE Q Electric scooters are the latest craze in major cities and we all clearly fucked up by ditching our razors. We’re asked via the confessional what we think happens after death and we (probably) disappoint the asker. Surprise, Bitch! 5th time’s the charm. And in this week's After Dark: After last week’s complaining about fitness models on instagram, we can’t wait to talk about our mad gainz.  Listener feedback comes with a reaction to listener Kris’s transition to living in her ca

Welcome to the end of 420 jokes - it’s episode 4x30 maaaaaaan.  Welcome Roshni! This week, we kick off a new $10 Patron benefit where we’ll be bringing on listener guest hosts.  This week marks the 53rd anniversary of the Voting Rights Act. The best way to celebrate is to check your voter registration status. Listener Kris is moving out of her apartment, and into her car. We call her, and she fields a multitude of questions about her new life.  Judeo-Christian ideals are deeply rooted in our culture and politics. Roshni brings this topic to the table, and asks a few very important questions. Namely, will the US ever move beyond these ideals? Should it?  If Alex Jones screams into the void after being banned from Facebook and Youtube, does it make a sound?  Recommendations: Chicago Architecture Tour, Sharp Objects, Eight Grade, and checking your credit report And in this week’s installment of After Dark:  Social media norms that need to die: humble brag gym selfies, expecting peopl

We chose avocado toast over paying the bills, but we still managed to return from our summer break as promised. Where do we stand on Disney’s firing of James Gunn? How false equivalencies and absolutism have made this debate a frustrating one. Andrew made Laura a song, our listeners fap to Andrew, and much more in this week’s confessional. In altogether non-shocking news, then-candidate Trump was presented with evidence that Vladimir Putin sought to interfere in the 2016 election, and a best friendship was born. If a drunk girl doesn’t vomit in an Uber, and the driver reports it, does it leave a mess? Demi Lovato relapses after 6 years of sobriety: we share our take on the growing opioid epidemic. The Trump administration is trying to cut key provisions of the Endangered Species Act, which will result in doom and destruction on planet earth (no, really).  And in this week’s episode of After Dark: The MuggleSuck Tales continue with a modern twist. AP choice brings questions

On this week’s episode, we take a walk on the conservative side. Listener Parker joins us to talk hot button topics like immigration, funding, healthcare, and abortion. If con is the opposite of pro, isn’t congress the opposite of progress? Several members of congress get duped into publicly endorsing a program that would arm preschoolers. Facebook wants to ensure you’re seeing more of the things you care about: baby pictures, cat videos, and Infowars conspiracy theories. Another one bites the dust: another key pillar of the Affordable Care Act, risk adjustments, have been slashed from the budget. Devil’s Advocate sees us truly crossing the aisle this week, as each host has to argue in favor of an opposing political ideology. Don’t forget to check out our new album art. Kudos to Jon! And in this week’s installment of After Dark: New stories from #Millennial: Andrew Sims and the Prisoner of Pet Policies, Laura Tee and the Rising Premium Rates. How can companies ensure brand loyalty amongst m

We’re joined this week by Andrew’s paramour, Pat! Pat fills us in on that dairy farmer life: tariffs, and hormones, and nut juice, oh my! Speaking of milk, the US delegation to the UN made waves this week when they went rogue and blocked a resolution that would have promoted breastfeeding. Our BFFs over in Russia saved the day though! The “toxic fandom” phenomena continues to gain steam as stars are forced to delete social media accounts to avoid harassment. When does critique go too far? In other fandom news, Game of Thrones has wrapped production on its final season, and Andrew still knows nothin’. How well does Pat know Andrew? The NewlyWed game puts these lovebirds to the test! Anyone in the Chicago area need a personal trainer? Hit up Pat: fincutterfitness@gmail.com And in this week’s installment of After Dark: TruTV is launching a new show - Paid Off - in which the winners get…. their student loans paid off. We play a mock version of this game show with listener Sara. We can’t pay o

Happy 4th of July! The US still has over 2,000 children in cages. This week in more ‘America is fucked’ news, justice Anthony Kennedy resigns from the Supreme Court, leaving a second vacancy for Trump to fill. Disney and Universal Studios are banking on millennial nostalgia in their upcoming theme park ventures. We’re sure there will be an avocado toast stand on every corner! A Hillary Clinton Theme Park? We brainstorm ideas. BREAKING NEWS: North Korea never had any intention of denuclearizing. How could we have predicted this would happen?!?! Sarah Huckabee Sanders joins us again to burn some more truth.  And in this week’s edition of After Dark: Andrew’s gonna stick it to the (HOA) man! He also comes up with a homeless outreach program idea that makes the girls grimace. WTF News makes its return: running over pedestrians to get out of work, Texans using rattlesnakes as weapons, shitting diamonds, and much more!

Andrew and Pam kick off the show with a spoiler free review of Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom. Speaking of fallen kingdoms, we provide this week’s update on the US border detention situation. Tl;dr: 2,300 children are still separated from their parents, and border patrol will re-vive the Obama-era “catch and release” policy. Sarah Huckabee Sanders and the Hypocrite’s Podium: as progressives, are we really doing ourselves any favors by taking the low road? Canada? More like Cannibisda! Do we think marijuana should be legal? We’ve discovered by 53% of millennials think they’ll be millionaires: they don’t tip for services! SCOTUS actually made a good call: authorities will need a warrant to access cellular tower location data. Recommendations: MoviePass and “Echo” Liquid Lipstick by Kat Von D And in this week’s episode of After Dark: Google that shit: the Supreme Court is…, Millennials are the worst…, and Marijuana helps….  The Confessional raises questions about familial etiqu

Welcome back, sycophants. Marc rejoins us this week to tell us what nerds should be excited for after E3. (The answer is ALWAYS Pokémon, duh.) Just in case you missed it… THE US GOVERNMENT IS PUTTING CHILDREN IN CAGES THE US GOVERNMENT IS PUTTING CHILDREN IN CAGES THE US GOVERNMENT IS PUTTING CHILDREN IN CAGES Got it? Jeff Sessions joins us to share some of his favorite fascist-inspired scriptural quotations. According to a new study 53% of millennials expect to become millionaires. This is not the economy you are looking for. We discuss the recent allegations against Chris Hardwick. Are we too fast to crucify based on allegations? Who said it: Donald Trump or another infamous dictator? Visit Millennial Podcast's website to learn more. And in this week’s installment of After Dark: Recommendations: booze edition Vacation shaming: why are Americans so afraid to use their paid time off? How can we counter our culture of working ourselves to death for bragging rights? A new After Dark

Who did it better? IHOP marketing their “name change” to “IHOB,” or Agent Orange marketing his summit with Little Rocket Man? All this in this week’s #Millennial and much more! We call Kate, a Canadian listener who schools us in provincial politics and explains the election of min-Trump, Doug Ford. President Trump tells our allies to suck a dick and leaves the G7 summit early to snuggle up with a murderous dictator instead. The University of Pennsylvania has released a new study that shows social change can be brought around by convincing just 25% of your social circle to support it. Time to take Laura’s advice and be the annoying person at parties asking if people are registered to vote. Hidden from the Headlines: the EPA laughs in the face of accurate, straight-forward, and historically proven science… again. The Confessional: Relationship Edition. And in this week’s installment of After Dark: Surprise Bitch! leaves us sad when THREE PEOPLE don’t answer their phones. You’re tellin

Happy June, Happy Pride! We welcome Dr. Sarah Steelman to the show to discuss her research on same-gender pairings and degrees of “outness.” Sarah informs us on a number of topics, including queer theory, the Matrix of Intelligibility, and the impacts of heteronormativity, politics, and history on LGB persons. In the news: Apple’s iOS 12 aims to decrease notifications stress, SCOTUS rules in favor of an anti-gay baker, Facebook proves yet again why they suck at data privacy, and a US Senator attempts to tour a detention center where unaccompanied immigrant children are being held. And in this week’s installment of After Dark:  Dr. Steelman talks about her doctoral experience and provides some sage advice for anyone thinking of pursuing a PhD. Samantha Bee and “the c-word.” We dive into whether or not we were ok with the joke, and if we agreed with Sam’s apology to Ivanka Trump. Mixed opinions abound!

“Bless me #Millennial for I have sinned. It has been 3 days and 12 hours since the last time I threw my garbage on a movie theater floor.” - Andrew Marc (aka Micah?) joins us and gives us his E3 predictions. He and Andrew plan to get E-rect. We force Pam to answer some cringey interview questions used by employers to be hip and cool with the kids. In the news: The Celebrity President is leading up to an exciting season finale: Will they or won’t they: North Korea edition, The great GDPR inbox flood, Instagram has a mute feature, and the US lost 1,475 migrant children. We wish this were all #fakenews. A familiar voice deigns to join us for Surprise Bitch! and we’re all signing DNRs in case we end up hospitalized in LA. And in this week’s episode of After Dark: Google that shit! What to do when you’re “the other woman.” We try to give some honest, frank advice about getting out of an affair. Traditional definitions of virginity do not cover the range of (super super hot and fun)

Welcome back to #Millennial! it’s 4x20 maaaaaaaaaaan. We kick off the show with a new segment, #MilleniHelp. With almost a third of the US population not putting away enough for retirement, what are we doing to save? Patrons sound off and share some of their best savings advice. Here we go again: we discuss the 22nd school shooting of 2018 and no one is surprised. Things the GOP will ban before guns: doors, high-rise buildings, schools. The infamous Laurel vs Yanny debate brings science and linguistics to the show (Let’s be real though, the right answer is Laurel). Hidden From The Headlines: Andrew Smith, the lawyer who represented Equifax after its massive data breach last year, has been appointed to run the Federal Trade Commission. This is the office investigating — you guessed it — Equifax. And in this week’s episode of After Dark: WTF News returns! What blows up in a 7-11 microwave before you go for a drug test? Tune in at 9 to find out! A creepy home invasion story has

“Happy Mother’s Day to everyone! I don’t want to see any more pictures of your mom!” – Andrew Please take this survey so we can help create the best Patreon possible! A Chicago bar stole our logo for their Millennial trivia night, so we’re giving away a free month of Patreon to Surprise Bitch! callers who prove their #lit knowledge. Apple hasn’t come out with a GrayKey condom to protect your phone from law enforcement (yet), but a new patch coming in iOS 11.4 will render the lightening port useable only for charging. The end is near(?) The US-North Korea summit will take place on June 12th in Singapore. A historic moment for sure – but will anything come of it? Texas is late (as always) to the gay marriage party, so a teacher has been put on administrative leave after telling students about her future wife. Android is adding new features aimed at decreasing time spent on mobile devices. I can haz feature to decrease student loan debt?’ And this week’s After Dark is a grab bag of

#Millennial is back for another packed episode, and Hawaii is turning into Mount Doom! Is Roe vs. Wade in trouble, and is the anti-choice argument really about the sanctity of life? (Spoiler: Nope.) Love at first poke: Facebook is trying to clean up its #fakenews image and starting its own online dating platform. Californians will have to make a tough choice: avocados or solar panels - can’t have both! Kanye is doing the lord’s work by diluting centuries of suffering into a simple “choice.” “I specifically ordered Persian rugs with cherub imagery. What do I have to do to get a Persian rug with cherub imagery.” Kellyanne Kanye or Trumpster Fire? And in this week’s edition of After Dark: The Life and Lies of Rudy Giuliani: Giuliani joined Trump’s legal team and violated attorney-client privilege all within a 48 hour span. A Storm is coming: Stormy Daniels continues trolling Trump. Is she hurting her credibility?

North and South Korea: are they or aren’t they? Speaking of couples who deserve each other, T-Mobile and Sprint are creating one network to rule them all (with shitty reception).  Michelle Wolf was savage at the White House Correspondents’ dinner, and we. are. here. for. it.  Democrats, Republicans, and the media alike were butt hurt to have the first amendment take priority over their evening of self-aggrandizing and schmoozing.  Got an annoying friend who can’t shut up about their genealogy results? Take heart, they might be a serial killer!  Joy Reid, the very popular and very liberal MSNBC host has come under scrutiny for homophobic blog posts from a decade ago. Does someone deserve forgiveness for a homophobic past when they can’t own up to that past in the first place?  We wrap the show with a SPOILER RIDDEN review of Avengers: Infinity War. Turn the show off when we issue the spoiler warning unless you want the part where Tony Stark adopts Peter Parker and Rocket Raccoon ruined! (Oops

Uncle Andrew lets us peek behind the curtain of MuggleCast headquarters. Let's play a LoveGame, a LoveGame: Laura battles to the death to retain her BFF status, and things get heated. America's Dad is going to prison and we try to figure out what makes this case different from the many others like it. The first successful male genital transplant gives Andrew #hope. This email will self-destruct in 10 minutes. Surprise, bitch! welcomes our new favorite Canuk to the show, who graciously explains to us what it's like to have a normal national leader. And in this week's After Dark: Devil's Advocate: the genital transplant edition. A fitting first run for our new beloved co-host Pam. From our Feed: a listener asks for advice, and we divulge.  Kellyanne Kanye blew up Twitter with his #MAGA nonsense. We play a game to see if we can tell the difference between his BS and Trump's.