#millennial

​This week's episode welcomes guest host Zach to the program, because Zach was unlucky enough to win a Golden Ticket from our t-shirt sales. Sorry Zach. Andrew realizes the fate of his sister's marriage is in his hands. Surprise, Bitch! takes us to Portugal, a country wisely deciding to avoid Trump over-saturation. But we're not. Dumpster Fire 2016 covers the final convention controversies and looks ahead to the campaigns' general election strategies. With primary season over, will Trump change course? Will we see a more presidential candidate? Do pigs fly? YOU get an anxiety disorder! YOU get clinical depression! WE ALL. GET. A PROBLEM!!! Mental health issues are surprisingly common and shouldn't be taboo or embarrassing. Zach leads the conversation with beautiful candor and a killer accent. Which organization's donation average is $69? Find out why it's not fucking us on "The Number." And in this week's rousing installment of After Dark: With the Cursed Child play officially in bookstores, Andrew introduces

​This week's episode of #Millennial will just be Michelle Obama's DNC speech on an eternal loop. Thank you and goodnight. Harry Potter and the Cursed Fan Fiction comes out this weekend - only one of us defends its honor.​ Dumpster Fire 2016 takes aim at the DNC: Tim Kaine is a bowl of warm grains, but he's cute, so fuck it. In more important news: San Diego Comic Con revealed some cool new info and the first superhero trailer worth a damn. Hidden from the Headlines gets real about climate change destroying the oceans and how we should all enjoy our sushi while we can. Surprise, bitch! Goodbye, bitch!

This episode brought to you by Monday Afternoon: a great time to record if you want to make your convention coverage as dated as possible. ​The night is always darkest before the dawn, and this week, "the dawn" is Roger Ailes ​getting thrown out of Fox News. AP Choice and listener feedback asks us about dealing with ignorant family members, the new gay Bachelor, and more. ​A failed military coup in Turkey initiates a massive despotic crackdown by President Erdogan, and we bring on a Turkish native to give us his POV. How much is your butthole worth? Andrew's boyfriend is ready to pimp out our favorite host on a new escort service disguised as dating app. Devil's Advocate asks whether the RNC should walk the walk by allowing open carry at this week's convention. Speaking of the convention: our new election coverage segment, Dumpster Fire 2016, discusses Trump's VP announcement and puts in a call to Mike Pence's press secretary.  ​

​Bitch we're back. By popular demand. Brave new world: a lot has changed in two short weeks and we're still working to process it. Dumpster Fire 2016 is upon us, and #Millennial has some live Google hangouts planned for the upcoming conventions. All bones matter. But when you need a doctor, it's because one of them is fucking broken and requires additional attention. How difficult of a concept is this? We discuss the horrific murder of several black men, as well as the tragic murders of five cops in downtown Dallas, welcoming people of color to the show to speak on the matter. Goodbye, job. Goodbye, friends. Today we pledge our lives and livelihoods to Pokemon Go, God of Smartphone Apps. George Takei has a problem with new!Sulu being gay, which is weird, because George Takei is kind of gay himself. Do you even #pride bro? And this week's After Dark might be our funniest installment yet. Douchecanoes of the Internet, starring: Mischa Barton being tone deaf as fuck; A former podcaster endorsing violence; And cr

It's our last show before a two week summer break, so eat it up sycophants.  Andrew is, officially, an Uber driver. Welcome to the jungle.  The Department of Justice is editing the Orlando shooter's 911 transcripts -- is this what everyone means by "PC culture"? "Here's a novel idea," they said. "Let's do nothing," they said. The Senate votes down all four gun control bills.  A new era of Trump? Campaign manager Corey Lewandowski gets fired and The Donald embarks on a scapegoat tour of the U.S. Britain, you already lost the American colonies. Don't also lose your marbles. We explain "Brexit" and why it's the worst idea since Yorktown.  Welcome, redcoat! Laura from Englandtown joins us for a jolly good spot of tea.  Fuck Off, Cupid features new dramatic readings and grave concern over OKCupid's matching methods.  And in this week's After Dark: You have been granted the opportunity to send a birthday gift to your 16-year-old self. What would you give them?  We answer for ourselves, and for each other. Some

A major tragedy in the United States calls for a special episode of #Millennial. We discuss the horrific Orlando shooting in-depth. The facts as we know them so far. What issues were at play? And what aspects are standing out this time? Connections to politics: The GOP blocked a bill in December that could’ve prevented this from occurring. We listen to a town hall from a couple of weeks ago in which Obama predicted that something like this would happen. Eerie. Given the gravity of the situation, we speak to a few of our LGBTQ listeners to get their feelings on what happened, and how they’ve responded to the tragedy. Thank you to Mark, Sarah, Jerry, Haley, and Nancy for speaking with us. We turn back to Obama to give us a laugh as he slow jams the news on Jimmy Fallon. - Andrew was in London last week for Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, so we discuss the J.K. Rowling’s eighth story. Warning: MAJOR spoilers during this part of the show. Don’t listen to this part of the show if you don’t want to be spo

​Andrew survives his flight across the Atlantic, eliminating any hopes we had of being on CNN. ​Primary season sings its swan song as California and five other states go to the ballot box. If I call Laura an ill-begotten slag, is that hate speech, or historical fact? Facebook, Twitter, Microsoft and others implement a new content policy in Europe and we straddle the fence between "okay sure" and "okay... no."  BREAKING: Great swimmers everywhere exonerated of moral responsibility. Talented writers now free to commit acts of treason. In related news, the Stanford rape case is serving as a grotesque but important flashpoint for rape culture.  FBI Director James Comey asks Congress for help spying on American citizens' internet history without a warrant. That's not how this "legal system" thing works, Director Despot.  If your senator sits on either the Senate Judiciary Committee or Senate Intelligence Committee, call or email them -- tell them your porn preferences are yours and yours alone. Devil's Advocat

Trash ass alcohol. Melancholy music. Gays. Welcome, summer. ​Two new confessions ask for our advice about coming out of the closet and online dating, and we handle the quandaries with the grace of a lemming. This week in uplifting news: Johnny Depp turns out to be an asshole and the Catholic Church turns out to still have some assholes. No NSA? No problem. For a couple million dollars, you too can spy on your citizens! New York City is officially recognizing 31 different genders and it means… well, nothing for us. But potential acceptance for others. A new segment examines a day in the life of social media and rewrites these platforms' Terms of Service. Our Surprise, Bitch! guest realizes she's super qualified for a 19-year-old.

Celebrate Andrew's birthday with us and a Dunkin Donuts near you. Golden Ticket winners won't get a lifetime supply of chocolate, but they will get a lifetime supply of embarrassment. News summons the spirit of Alex Trebek in a Jeopardy-style rundown of whatever the fuck is even going on anymore. One country fires half its police force for corruption, while another country just straight up catches on fire. Guess why. "How do you fight a franchise that owns a day of the week?" -Will Smith/Aristotle, probably. The only tale older than time is that of Andrew and Matt being categorically wrong about cinema. Sorry we don't want to watch Hermione Granger sing to a set of teaspoons for 2 hours. Fuck Off, Cupid returns with three new dramatic readings and a ton of questions about why, merciful Lord, tell us why. AP Choices wrap the show and we all leave pissed at each other over a Disney debate.  In this week's After Dark:  Fuck Off, Cupid gets extended into a game. We all answer the matchmaking questions from OKC

If a host turns her hair green, but no one sees it, does it still make a sound? A new oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico is trashing shit up -- and no one even knew it was happening until a random helicopter pilot was like, oh look, a rotting ecosystem. Flying is officially not the safest way to travel, because even if the plane makes it, the stress of it all will fucking end your life. President Obama went Super Saiyan on labor law this week, mandating that salaried employees making less than $47k be eligible for overtime pay. "No bueno." -Retailers Everywhere France's lower parliamentary house gets real on work-life balance laws, but we aren't quite buying their communist agenda. Congratulations to Thomas Manning of Halifax, Massachusetts on his new penis. Reports are mixed as to whether it will be detachable. Matt investigates. Tonight at 9. A round of No Context and Surprise, Bitch! introduces us to Erin, dear Erin, who deserves a Medal of Honor for her valor in the face of so much dick. And in this week's A

Performers who don't show up on time SUCK.  Obama hates how the media is covering Trump, but loves bison. The Political Minute: Goodbye Kasich, hello President Trump. Goodbye endorsements from past Presidents, hello Nickelback. Facebook has supposedly avoided putting conservative topics in its Trends section. Is this a problem? And why do government officials care? California has raised the age at which you are allowed to purchase cigarettes. Will this help stop the kids from starting to smoke? The Number: You spend 50 minutes a day doing THIS. Our Surprise Bitch victim will be starring in the new Finding Nemo sequel next month. Our AP Choice is about protests: Are they worth attending? Laura shares her experiences attending protests. And this week, in After Dark… Pizza, pizza, PIZZA! In this unique installment of After Dark, we spend nearly 25 minutes talking about everything pizza. What are our earliest memories of pizza? What could we do with pizza in the bedroom? At the end of Afte

The Podcast Where It Happens celebrates Hamilton's slew of Tony nominations! Too bad we'll never see it live. Andrew plugs the new Hypable, but if you're like Micah you won't be visiting it. We offer a few dramatic readings from Fuck Off, Cupid, and discuss what the hell it means when someone describes themselves as a Nice Guy. The news portion of the show is politics-heavy, and as we record we learn that Ted Cruz has dropped out of the race. Trump is now the presumptive nominee. God help us. (Note: This episode was recorded before John Kasich dropped out on Wednesday.) Should Bernie step out of the way now that the Republican side of the Presidential election has been decided? To lighten the mood we play some highlights from Obama's White House Correspondents' Dinner speech. Damn, can this guy get a job as a stand up comedian after his term ends? The trailer for the new Ghostbusters movie is one of the most disliked videos in YouTube history. Gee, I wonder why? We play "The Number" and "Game of Moans" -- the

Stop doing things, people. We can't keep up with all this shit. Harriet Tubman was a baller way before she was a $20. "Can you move to the right a bit, I need a clear shot of this for my blog." -Andrew, having a threesome with his new Uber passengers. Beyonce will be on the $10 someday if she keeps this up. Lemonade resonated even with those of us who aren't part of the Beyhive. Hidden from the Headlines reveals that, sometimes, the disadvantaged are targeted by the powerful specifically because they're disadvantaged. And round and round we go.  And in this week's After Dark: Depressing but hopeful stories abound as we tackle the issue of quarter-life crises. Quarter-life crises are historically known to result in launching podcasts. Why has depression skyrocketed for 20-somethings? Why are our listeners so much stronger than we are? What is Matt even trying to say here?

Andrew returns from last week's stint in prison to find his world has collapsed. "I've got transparent pandering in my bag. Swag." -Hillary Clinton News kicks off with a brand new study that reveals either we're all morons, or the study's authors are. New legislation in Congress would permit 9/11 victims' families to sue Saudi Arabia for their role in funding the terrorist attacks. In related news, submissions now open for our #sueme photoshop challenge. Bruce Springsteen and other A-List artists take North Carolina to school, protesting the new anti-LGBTQ law through the power of song and dance. Or lack thereof. Inky the octopus chooses liberty over safety in this year's new Pixar flick, "Get Me the Fuck Out of Here." Rated G. A new segment called "The Number" tests our knowledge of the Millennial generation and unearths precisely how below fucking average the four of us are. Surprise, bitch! introduces us to Megan, the perfectly kind music teacher from Pennsylvania who absolutely did not deserve to be haras

Fuck Off, Cupid: introducing a new segment for singles, by singles. Best and worst experiences, lessons learned, and real online dating interactions -- submitted by you, dramatically read by us. Visit fuckoffcupid.com to get in on the action. Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street? It's somewhere in Afghanistan.  Let's play No Context, they said. It'll be fun, they said. And in this week's After Dark: We expand on our online dating discussion and dive into just… regular dating. It isn't much better. Why is dating even important, developmentally? Have we learned things from it?

Andrew talks about visiting the Grand Canyon and throws this show off the rails 3 minutes in.  Hidden from the Headlines gets our heads out of the U.S.'s ass and into a complicated international conflict. Look at us being all worldly and shit. "To sex, or not to sex?" -Hamlet or something, and also this one listener who wrote in. What if elected officials had to wear jackets with the logos of their top ten donors sewn all over it? Well, lube up, California. This could hurt. The regularly scheduled shitshow that is Washington, D.C. would lose its charm without another scandal, and luckily, Laura brings us the details. Sorry not sorry, Ted. Ruth Bader Ginsberg: great Justice, or the greatest Justice? Trick question. Both.  A rousing game of Two Truths One Lie reveals SOME OF US ARE MONSTERS and others piss on snakes.  This is a sophisticated show, okay.  Wait, But Why? commands you to cut your hearts out, literally, if at all possible. Less than 1/3 of Americans are registered organ donors in the event of death

Welcome back, sycophants. • We’re joined this week by comedian Liz Magee for our first “Ask Me Anything” style interview! Check her out on Twitter: @JokesMagee • Our LOTR movie commentary is coming on April 11th. The eagles are coming! • Quickfire News takes us to Chuck Grassley’s secret Q&A events and Ted Cruz’s deviant fantasies. Spoiler alert: You don’t want to participate in either of these things. • The FBI managed to unlock the San Bernardino shooter’s phone on its own. Everyone tweet “@FBI please clap.” Tag us. • Liz Magee describes in vivid, burning detail the struggles of being prone to UTI’s. • What do you do when you have 15 minutes of airtime to fill, and only 5 minutes of dick jokes? • We learn a little bit about what it’s like to be one of the few women in stand-up comedy. Don’t worry - it’s just like being a woman in any male dominated field! • The world is shocked to know that women like to laugh! Shocked we tell you! • No Context is brought to you this week by ‘Matt can’t fo

We begin with a message about recent, horrific attacks around the world. Andrew has an issue with his upstairs neighbors he needs help on. This is war. In Quickfire News, we tackle an update on the new $10 bill, Twitter controversies, Georgia’s Religious Freedom Bill, SeaWorld, and Obama’s busy week between Cuba and Merrick Garland. In our Confessional we address living at home with your parents and a transitioning listener who’s had to deal with PC culture at a new extreme. This week’s AP Choice is from Anne, who wants to know what to do about her boyfriend’s annoying friend. Surprise, Bitch! We’re live from Cuba! Batman v Superman hits theaters this weekend and.. it’s not good, according to critics. In this week’s After Dark we continue our discussion on PC culture. How often does bullying occur inside the progressive movement? Will everyone be able to agree on trigger warnings? How can institutions better handle issues of social justice?

What does a year in space do to your body, besides deprive it of sex? Astronaut Scott Kelly holds the answers. Listener Feedback is best described as, "You're all idiots," but we know that, so at least there's common ground. This week's installment of Hidden from the Headlines is brought to you by Fuck You, Pakistan, and whatever shit bigoted horse you rode in on. News this week kicks off by asking listeners to imagine spending $50 for a movie, if you get to watch it in your pajamas. (Can't you do that anyway if you just stop giving a shit?) Trump and Hillary make front pages again, as the GOP front runner sees mass violence break out at his rallies and the Democratic contender says something dumb about the Reagans. How much food do you throw out each day? Chances are, enough to feed someone else. That's why Tesco will begin donating all their unsold food to charity next year. Get your shit together, Whole Foods. No Context puts us all on the hot seat this week, and Aussie listener Greg gets his turn in the s

​Our assholes are lubed up for your furious emails. But first: check out our band new #Millennial t-shirts, brought to you by the letter "p" -- please clap.   All shirts are $20 and come with one free month of Patreon! Existing Patrons get a sweet little bonus too. Pucker up.    As for this week's episode: Let's dispel this myth that Facebook friends don't know what they're doing. They know exactly what they're doing. And they need to fucking stop. ​Hidden from the Headlines takes us to a distant land where being gay-- or reincarnated-- is banned from television and all movies are cut down to approximately 5 seconds.  A new SCOTUS ruling decides to treat gay couples like real people, JP Morgan tells fossil fuels where they can stick it, we all contemplate moving to Canada, and J.K. Rowling comes under fire for appropriating Native American culture. All in this installment of Quickfire News. Embark with us on a main discussion about generational shifts toward liberalism. How will the next lineup of crotch dr