He Just Loves The Hallmark Channel

  Les, Kurt, and Jason travel back to their 2019 episode about Hallmark's Edge of the Garden that may be about ghosts. Or time travel. Or parallel universes. Or eternal love. Or about taking what little bit of joy you have left in your life and squeezing it out of you as you watch this movie.  Facebook : lifetimeofhallmark Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast Threads: lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast TikTok: lifetimeofhallmarkpod Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com  

Les, Kurt, and Jason are back though it was touch and go for Kurt this week with his travel turned upside down. Thank goodness he came back with some Blac Chyna news, and to see this week’s movie, Lies and Ex Wives: Secrets on Maple Street. This apparently a new “universe” of stories for Lifetime to explore, but they may not want to let the Park Ranger Academy of the Dramatic Arts have such a big creative role the next time around. But thanks to her, we are served a forgotten suspect in a gruesome murder, unnecessary umbrellas, and… fishing. Even the spreads were off in this movie (the food!). And wait until you hear how Eric Roberts could’ve helped Maple Street.    Facebook : lifetimeofhallmark Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast Threads: lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast TikTok: lifetimeofhallmarkpod Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com  

Les, Kurt, and Jason travel back to their 2021 episode about Salt-N-Pepa, a film that kick-off a new Lifetime genre: the black lady entertainer biopic that taught us that Push It was recorded in a bathroom. Do with that information what you will.  Facebook : lifetimeofhallmark Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast Threads: lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast TikTok: lifetimeofhallmarkpod Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com  

Les, Kurt, and Jason waste no time in talking about the subject on everyone’s minds, the Presid——— er, the deaths of multiple cultural icons including Shannen Doherty, Richard Simmons, and Dr. Ruth. Plus Kurt has news that Blac Chyna may be engaging in drama in her life by talking about how she doesn’t want drama in her life, and we share a recipe for your favorite casserole from the 70’s! Then, it’s time to go shopping… for a better movie than Ms. Christmas Comes to Town. Oof. This movie tells the uplifting story of how capitalism can sound downright heartwarming when you’re a shopping host dealing with a terminal diagnosis while selling paper erection trees. The movie is notable for having employed more background actors as extras than most gladiator movie crowd scenes, and even more notable for the insanely high lack of chemistry between the two leads. Lesson learned: your career as a traveling nurse isn’t long for this world cuz you’re get discovered and become  a star!   Facebook : lifetimeofhallmark Ins

Les, Kurt, and Jason travel back to their 2019 episode about Hallmark's Christmas with a Prince, a movie so questionable that the Canadian singer you've probably never heard who appears in the movie will still be someone you've never heard of after you watch the movie.  Facebook : lifetimeofhallmark Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast Threads: lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast TikTok: lifetimeofhallmarkpod Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com  

Les, Kurt, and Jason are headed to a place where no podcast is meant the thrive: Amish Country! But first, Blac Chyna's mom Tokio Toni got heated and flirty with The Game in a way that makes you rethink your snack foods. Then, it's time for Lifetime's Amish Stud: The Eli Weaver Story a true story about an Amish guy (Luke Macfarlane) that's using a Sidekick and dating apps on the DL but still needs a taxi driver (Criminal Minds' Kirsten Vangsness) to drive him around (because Amish). You could argue that there are too many people in this movie named Barbara or you could argue that there are never enough Barbaras. But you can't deny the minister with the Spirit Gum would never turn down a pie made by someone named Barbara in much the same way that a lady would never turn down what was being offered by the Time to Make the Donuts guy.   Facebook : lifetimeofhallmark Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast Threads: lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast TikTok: lifetimeofhallmarkpod Theme song generously donated by purple-

Les, Kurt, and Jason travel back to their 2019 episode about Lifetime's My Stepfather's Secret which features geology, murder, cryptocurrency, income equality, an explainer on the many Carly's of General Hospital, and (of course) gaslighting.   Facebook : lifetimeofhallmark Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast Threads: lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast TikTok: lifetimeofhallmarkpod Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com  

Les, Kurt, and Jason are angry… or at least Les and Jason are, while Kurt CLAIMS to be zen despite having suffered through the same movie as they did. But first, Kurt reports that Blac Chyna’s daughter Dream made a song. But Blac Chyna says it’s not a real song since it’s not on streaming. Though it could still technically BE a song in the same way that Falling Like Snowflakes was technically a movie because a really bad movie is still a movie. Hallmark got an early start on Christmas in July by premiering the movie in June, which is a really cruel thing to do if this movie is, as the guys suspect, a group project created by some people that have been institutionalized. Through that lens, all those involved really did a good job. Through any other lens, though, this may instead feature people so miserable with their acting careers that they’re trying to deliberately sabotage their work to get out of some very unhealthy relationships. If you’re looking for a way to sabotage an unhealthy relationship, make sure

Les, Kurt, and Jason travel back to their 2019 episode about Hallmark’s One Winter Proposal (and make the podcast’s first reference to the Ann Margrock episode of The Flintstones.    Facebook : lifetimeofhallmark Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast Threads: lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast TikTok: lifetimeofhallmarkpod Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com  

Les, Kurt, and Jason are (deservedly) taking credit for the June Squibb renissance (the Squibissance) currently happening thanks to her movie Thelma. In Blac Chyna news, Kurt reports that Chy (as she’s now dubbed in the press) is now 21 months sober, and he also contemplates whether he’d be allowed to enter the pearly gates because he’s eaten hors d’oeuvres as a meal at an event. Then it’s time to look into all the ways My Mom Made Me Do It in a Lifetime movie that will make a great replay episode come Mother’s Day. When an AA Meeting meets during volleyball practice at a school where the kids are super into Lucille Ball’s old radio program, you know that’s going to drive a goody-goody high school student into a super convoluted life of crime where attack victims are given a blowout during a coma and where young women don’t recognize their own step-brother.    Facebook : lifetimeofhallmark Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast Threads: lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast TikTok: lifetimeofhallmarkpod Theme song generou

If you've never listened to A Lifetime of Hallmark Podcast before, this Throwback Thursday Replay is a great episode to get you started. Killer Contractor Just Might Be the Lifetime Version of M. Night Shyamalan's Unbreakable Les, Kurt, and Jason are ready to hit the ground running in 2020 with a movie featuring an epic electrocution, a runaway ceiling fan, and a literal ball of fire that proves that murderous contractors are the BEST contractors when dealing with Lifetime's Killer Cinematic Universe. But first, Kurt has (horrifying) Blac Chyna news, and Jason skips his Lori Loughlin news so the guys can get right into what may be the most "on brand" movie Lifetime has ever done, "Killer Contractor." Sure, nobody in the movie knows how to do simple things like correctly pronounce the main character's last name or carry a coffin, but none of that matters because we are dealing with characters that outsource the delivery of bad news to a claims adjuster.    Facebook : lifetimeofhallmark Instagram : lifetimeofha

Les, Kurt, and Jason are here to stir the (honey) pot that is the Brat Pack Documentary and find out that Kurt has inexplicably never seen the movie Mannequin. In Blac Chyna news, the guys learn that Tokyo Toni met Blac Chyna’s dad at a Macy’s (oh, young love!)  Then, it’s time to see what the buzz is all about with Hallmark’s For Love and Honey, a movie about both beekeeping and archaeology in Malta. It may take a lot of exposition to explain the rather convoluted treasure map at the heart of the plot, but there are plenty of bee puns, a hot professor, and a hot mayor who’s really hot to make things go down smooth like honey. Don’t swat this movie away like you’re trying to get rid of a bee with a King James Bible, but definitely also don’t eat what you think is centuries old butter.    Facebook : lifetimeofhallmark Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast Threads: lifetimeeofhallmarkpodcast Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com  

Les, Kurt, and Jason have dug into their archives to re-visit their 2018 episode about Hallmark's A Shoe Addict's Christmas! Before Candace Cameron Bure left the Hallmark Cinematic Universe, she made a downright fantastic movie that co-starred a pre-Hacks Jean Smart, a pre-Bros Luke Macfarlane, and a slightly post-Orphan Black Kristian Brunn.  Facebook : lifetimeofhallmark Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast Threads: lifetimeeofhallmarkpodcast Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com  

Les, Kurt, and Jason had so much time taking to Samantha Pestana-Markey (@documenting_samantha) two episodes ago that she has now officially joined A Lifetime of Hallmark Podcast as a producer despite her role in exiling black hoodies from Lifetime! No need to worry, though, as there IS a black hoodie in Devil on My Doorstep. You should worry about Blac Chyna as news about her is no longer as fun, so perhaps a Young Sheldon-style prequel needs to happen for the Blac Chyna Report. A prequel to Devil on My Doorstep may also be needed to better explain the motivations of the characters in the movie, especially since there are a confusing number of villains, rushed graphics from the art department, and writer’s block so bad that perpetually pushes back a funeral service until the eulogy can be finished. This episode was not sponsored by AAA of Southern California… but could be.    Facebook : lifetimeofhallmark Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast Threads: lifetimeeofhallmarkpodcast Theme song generously donated

Les, Kurt, and Jason are in the full swing of Pride month but have still found time to join Hallmark’s Blind Date Book Club. But first, Kurt has some not-so-new Blac Chyna news that doesn’t convincingly connect Beyonce to the Epstein plane. Then, the guys turn the page to explore the world of a Hallmark movie where an NPR interview about a book club carries such an incredible emergency that it needs to be conducted live. This is also a world where self-publishing a book can happen in a matter of hours with an incredible amount of detail, likely costing a considerable amount of money. But in a world where one can get hooked on Faulkner instead of heroin, that’s just icing on the (tea) cakes paired with some Danny DeVito Limoncello.    Facebook : alifetimeofhallmark Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com  

Les, Kurt, and Jason welcome the incredible Samantha Pestana-Markey (@documenting_samantha) to join them for a fun ride this week. Samantha is a big fan of the podcast and just so happens to also e a costume designer who has worked her share of Lifetime movies! The guys question why Samantha has tried to exile the famed black hoodie and Kurt gets the dirt on Lifetime’s craft services setup (people horde snacks, just like Jason had to do until he was asked for a cookie by Justin Bieber). Plus, there’s some wild Blac Chyna news involving Dueling Bishops that are available at the drop of a hat. Then, it’s time to read the cards for Lifetime’s Killer Fortune Teller, a movie that could not have been more perfect for Samantha given that she’s actually named after Samantha from Bewitched. This movie makes great use of Tarot cards as a means of framing the plot, has solid support from a Michael Douglas / Gavin Newsom hybrid, and uses both a puffy vest and extreme amounts of ketamine to great effect, especially consid

Les, Kurt, and Jason reconvene after a few weeks to see what’s being served in Lifetime’s A Chef’s Deadly Revenge. But first, it’s time to celebrate the birthday of Blac Chyna… and to toast the many notable people from the entertainment world that passed away since the last episode of the podcast. Then, we learn that Jason made a crass joke in their group chat using emoji to describe Schmoo’s sex life. Kurt asks what Jason meant… and immediately regrets it when he gets an answer to that question that you can’t lock up in a freezer because there is, in fact, a pig in there. In a movie filled with lots of bad stalking and reverse stalking and so very many unnecessary car chases, you can rest assured that having your marriage ended by an unhinged stranger will be rewarded with some free creme brulee.  Facebook : alifetimeofhallmark Instagram : lifetimeofhallmarkpodcast Theme song generously donated by purple-planet.com  

Les, Kurt, and Jason are here for your favorite day of the week aka your favorite occasionally day a few times a month for another episode of A Lifetime of Hallmark! The guys catch up on all of the big news of the world including a new soap coming to CBS, the very tightly patrolled catering backstage at American Idol, and some top notch movie recommendations from listeners. Plus, Kurt gives a very serious and gauzy Blac Chyna report thanks to a big profile about her in the LA Times. Then, it’s time to look into the Legend of the Lost Locket, a Hallmark movie that could have been a bad Indiana Jones knockoff or an even worse costume drama with poor British accents. The movie, thankfully, is pretty charming thanks to its winning leads and a script that fills in the central mystery by taking some cues from Lifetime movies (hello black hoodies and actual crimes!) But some mysteries still remain such as: “Is Boston really known for cannolis?,” “What, exactly, is The Schmoo? ,” and “How much do will some antique kn

Les, Kurt, and Jason jump right into the natural phenomena of the week like the earthquake in New York, the eclipse, and balls falling from the sky. Then Kurt tries a new spin on Blac Chyna news by starting it with a quote by Maya Angelou, and we learn that Blac Chyna accidentally freed a nipple in West Hollywood and “ended up” on BACKGRID. We find out about a place would never eat cake: at a night at Motherlode called “Manhole.” Then we put a bid in on Lifetime’s Million Dollar Lethal Listing, a movie that’s incredibly consequential in that it features a detective who is helpful (our friend Meredith Thomas)! With this detective on the case, maybe we’ll eventually find out while the real owner of the home in this movie was super chill about letting random people (that were duped into buying his house that wasn’t for sale) stay in his home while everything is sorted out. This may be the gaslightiest that movie Lifetime has ever made, but it also inspired the premise of the new sitcom “That Takes The Cake.” Fac

Les, Kurt, and Jason are not shading Princess Kate for having $15 cake at an airport, obviously. But they are doing a deep dive into Blac Chyna’s latest loan against her home, and think she could make some real coin by doing ads for Metamucil. Then it’s time to root for Lifetime’s Killer Cheer Mom starring Denise Richards and Thomas Calabro from Melrose Place. Kurt gets a crash course in Michael’s trajectory on Melrose Place and learns (for the first time) about Kimberly and her infamous wig/scar reveal). But that’s not the only trip down memory lane: the kitchen in this movie may be the same one from the fireball scene in Killer Contractor, and the teenagers in this movie may be super into Billy Joel’s back catalog. This kitchen is epic in the way that it can still crank out giant carby meal after giant carbs meal, but that strawberry never stood a chance of making it into those epic smoothies. But there’s home for Kurt’s eventual epic tramp stamp tattoo of giant wings… carrying a cake. This needs to happen